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When a Patient Doesn’t Want You as Their Nurse
Featured Author:
Terri Polick
Terri is a registered nurse and the proprietor of Nurse Ratched’s Place, a blog about psychiatric nursing. She is also a regular guest the popular podcast production, Insights in Nursing with Jamie Davis. Terri has been a nurse for over 30 years and is currently working as psychiatric bedside nurse. You can also follow Terri (AKA Motherjonesrn) on Twitter.
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Terri Polick | NursingLink
Look at this lucky man: He has a whole flock of young student nurses standing by to meet his every need. I bet this gentleman loved every single nurse in that picture. Enjoy his adoration, ladies; sometime during your nursing career, someone isn’t going to want you as their nurse.
It happens to everyone and it feels like a slap in the face. You walk into a patient care area and the patient says, “Hands off!” The reasons vary: Some female patients feel uncomfortable with male staff members, while other reasons are based in deep-seeded prejudices held by the patient. Any nurse who has been in that situation will tell you that it’s a learning experience. I recently interviewed some nurses and asked them to tell me how they deal with patients who reject them.
Rachael N. told me a story about an eye-opening incident that happened to her many years ago during her first day in the hospital as a student nurse. She walked into her patient’s room to introduce herself, and everything went well until she approached her patient’s bed. The patient recoiled and called her a “Christ Killer” and ordered the nurse out of her room.
“I was stunned. I’m Jewish and I was wearing a small gold Star of David. I grew up in a liberal community so I had never been confronted with an anti-Semitic remark like that in my entire in my entire life,” Rachael said.
After calming down, she came to the realization that the problem wasn’t hers, it belonged to the patient. She reported the incident to her nursing instructor and was assigned to another patient. Rachael said that the experience impacted her professional life. Although she is allowed to wear modest jewelry (including religious symbols) at the hospital, Rachael has never worn a Star of David to work again to avoid future conflict.
Male nurses have their own unique problems, such as gender bias. Alan B. told me that although most patients don’t mind having a man as their caregiver, some patients get very uncomfortable. Because women dominate the nursing field, the expectation among patients is that a female nurse will care for them. When he walks into the room, Alan has often noticed that patients are surprised to find him, instead of a female nurse.
“Sometimes men don’t want me as their nurse because of negative stereotypes. They think I’m gay, so they don’t want me to touch them,” he said. “I’ve also have had women with a history of sexual or physical abuse ask me to leave the room.” Alan advises male nurses to be careful in these situations because an allegation of inappropriate physical or sexual behavior with a patient can ruin a nurse’s career.
HerbalNurse
over 2 years ago
466 comments
I have to say, I had a cancer patient one time, who was also a nurse anesthetist. I cared for him with renal cell cancer, and when it came time for me to have an outpatient surgery, (uterine ablation) I could only think of one person that I would trust with my anesthesia. I know he totally saw me (all of me) , but I valued who he was as a professional and as a friend. I was honored to put my life in his hands. As professionals we know each other like that. We never have a problem with male physicians. We shouldn't have a problem will male nurses. BTW, my friend was laid to rest this week with renal cell carcinoma, and I give honor to him in this writing.
china_cat84
over 2 years ago
8 comments
Some patients are also biased against having a student care for them, as I found out on my first day of clinicals. I was assigned to this particular patient who was having lots of issues - he was pretty young and suffered a fall and perforated his bowel so he had a colostomy. He also had many other things wrong with him and was dealing with the emotional aspects of his problems. School policy is that we go in and meet our assigned patients the day before clinicals. When I met him, he was in a great mood and he seemed okay with everything. When I came back for clinicals, he didn't want me around at all. Said he didn't want anyone learning on him - however, all of the cares I had to perform on him I had already done for many years as a CNA. After talking with the staff nurses on the best way to handle him, it sounded like he was that way most of the time - he was just harder on me because of my student status.
I've also come across a couple male patients who think they can get away with some things because of the student status. I value the experience, because it has taught me to be more assertive...but I don't enjoy come ons and I don't enjoy it when someone tries to touch me inappropriately. After talking with staff nurses later, these patients would do these things to students only, because they knew they'd probably get away with it. Just wish the staff nurses would have said something BEFORE hand.
And to bubbabubba:
I'm SO sorry about your experience! That's absolutely ridiculous. It was wrong of the nurse to force you to let her prep you for surgery. It might be possible that a male prep nurse wasn't available or wasn't working that day. If so, she totally went about it the wrong way. In this case, it's really great to be your own advocate. I know how you felt and of course, hindsight is 20/20 but sometimes you really have to be FORCEFUL towards some nurses. When I was in the hospital after having my daughter (was in labor for 36 hrs and ended up having a c-section) I was a first time mom learning to breastfeed my baby. Though all of my nurses were female, some of them were very coarse and rude. I remember one nurse coming into my room when I was trying to feed - I hadn't even asked for help - and she just started touching me and repositioning the baby....I felt violated, she was rude and forceful and I didn't want her. Another nurse would sigh loudly if I asked her to help me, she made me feel like I was asking a huge favor when I was only asking her to do her job. I refused to have both of these nurses care for me or my child, even though one of them tried to tell me that they were short staffed and she couldn't find someone different. I told her, "That's not my problem. I'm paying to be cared for in this hospital and I don't feel like I'm receiving the best care with you as my nurse."
I wish you the best of luck and wish you well in the future!
bubbabubba
over 2 years ago
22 comments
As a modest male.......WHen going to a nearby town for surgery last year I had spoken to the hospital in advance about having a male prep nurse (for a transurethral Bladder neck incision operation)-- I was assured there would be no problem and it would be noted on my chart. WHen a female came to my holding area-----I said "NOTHING PERSONAL BUT I'D LIKE TO HAVE A MALE PREP NURSE"--her reply?
WELL YOU'VE GOT ME! I felt helpless and violated. ALready hooked up to all the IV lines and other monitors I felt I had no choice but to endure this female prep me when I DID NOT WANT HER. I had even written out my directive and she ignored that as paper as well. As I was being rolled down the hall to the O.R. I teared up. ALready nervous, having had 4 other similar operations, I was especially stressed by this event. Every time I had asked for a male prep nurse I was accomodated. THis day, wiith a spinal and fully consious mortified and embarassed I lay there while she scrubbed me down "DOWN THERE" -- My only other course of action I thought was to just scream in front of the assembled OR team. My physician knew of my horror of such a situation yet he did not intervene either.....What should be the penalty for a nurse who behaved like this one did?
bwweeks5270
over 2 years ago
42 comments
As a male nurse who is heterosexual, 6'3", 250 lbs., with a full beard and close cropped hair, I was mentally prepared for all kinds of bad reactions and stereotypes when I decided to make nursing my career. In reality, whether it was nursing school, working in critical care or (now) working in home health, I never have a problem. It's all in the manner of approach; if you are professional, friendly and well-spoken, there isn't a problem. Many of my older female patients have said they really enjoy having me work with them. Take the scrubs and stethoscope and replace with carpenter jeans and a tool-belt, and I'd fit right in with a construction crew (done that in the past also). I am not suited personality-wise for GYN or Perinatal, but I would imagine those might be areas more problematic for men who are nurses. Nursing benefits from having greater diversity in all areas: gender (still 94% female profession) included! Most female nurses are physically unable to match my strength, and there are more obese patients all the time.
firelyte42
over 2 years ago
16 comments
seeing a male nurse pop into my gyn appts wasn't exactly what I expected, maybe if he had introduced himself differently and was a little more sure of his role, I may not have recoiled when he called out my name. I recovered by the time I walked over the threshold, but the first instincts were WOW. Um... ok! I really felt his first day jitters. And, oh- he is so not gay. Just helped deliver his 4th baby and he and his wife are both students in their 2nd year of nursing school! He is very over his first day trauma, and I learned how to accept that men don't have to be the doctors in the room.