6 True (and Funny!) Stories From Real Nurses
RealNurse | Scrubs Magazine
Have you ever seen anything so big?
James is 87, the sweetest of patients, one of nature’s gentlemen. Just the other day when I was giving James a sponge bath I stood him up next to the bed so I could wash his privates when he looked down and said, “Have you ever seen anything so big?”
I didn’t know what to tell him. All I could think of was there was this guy down in Florida one time…
But before I could say a word James shook his head and said, “My brother-in-law told me once that these have got to be the biggest damn feet he has ever seen!”
Egg on my face
I was assigned to care for a young man who had been shot three times. He had no life threatening injuries but certainly severe wounds. I barged into his single room to ask if he’d completed his menu for the following day to find him standing gingerly beside his bed using a urinal. To cover any embarrassment he might feel, I blurted out an old Australian expression: “Oh! The sights you see when you haven’t got a gun!” Needless to say, I blushed!
I was triaging a patient in L & D who I thought to be going into labor. Doing the pain assessment, I asked her, “Is your pain intermittent or constant?”
“Does your pain come and go or is it constant?”
“Well, it constantly comes and goes!”
A first year student in her first month of clinicals in a general surgery ward gave this report of her patient to her clinical instructor:
“My patient Mr. X is a 45-year-old gentleman who has been diagnosed to have a calcium stomach.”
The instructor was confused as she had never heard of a calcium stomach. When she opened the patient’s history sheet, it turned out to be carcinoma – Ca Stomach.