What Happens After Match.com?
Kathryn Alice | Scrubs Magazine
November 24, 2010
Opening up to love can be very different for nurses. You have a unique life and may attract the wrong sort…as in a leech…more easily. But take heart! There is someone out there for you, too.
Here are some tips to make the process of finding your soulmate easier.
1. Have faith that the right person is out there and don’t settle. Even when your life might look like a “dating desert” with no one in sight, remind yourself that though you’re not meeting a lot of people outside of work, love is not a numbers game. It can show up at any moment from an unexpected place.
Leslie, an RN in a busy neonatal nursery, was surrounded by women all day at her job. She almost never met anyone eligible and had to give herself pep talks to stay positive about dating. She met Brad through mutual friends when she dropped into a party after work. They clicked right away and are now engaged.
2. Beware of leeches. Those in the healing professions can easily attract the emotionally wounded, drawn to your nurturing energy. Tread cautiously with anyone who drains you or tends to take without giving. Get good at saying “no” to someone who does not feel like an equal. Hold out for someone who cares for you, is comfortable with himself and lifts you up. The love of your life is giving and makes your life easier.
Susan didn’t understand why coming home to her live-in boyfriend made her even more tired after a stressful day caring for patients in an ICU. In working with me, we ascertained that he drained her because of his need for emotional caretaking. The two eventually broke up and she saw a pattern of inviting needy men into her life. She learned to say “no” to anyone who didn’t feel easy and fun, and eventually she hooked up with Greg, a man who rubs her feet when she’s exhausted and makes soup for her when she’s feeling under the weather. “The best part is that he doesn’t lay a lot of heavy emotional baggage on me. He’s upbeat and doesn’t need much from me but my company.”
3. Look for someone who fits in with your life. Because you have unusual hours and a stressful job, someone who also has a busy schedule, similarly unusual hours or is even in medicine will be the most compatible with you. Alternatively, a mate who is willing to fit into your life, nurture you, support you and offer understanding for what you go through would be ideal.
One busy LPN hooked up with an EMT whose ambulance often visited her ER. He perfectly understood the demands of her job and the crazy hours because he had the same experience. One day, he devised a “fake emergency” that everyone in the ER was in on and proposed to her on the doorstep of the hospital on bended knee.