I find it to always have some sadness to the loss of a patient, but my faith helps me to not be too sad.  I believe that they are in a better place than you and I, so I just remind myself of that.  Yes, I will miss them, but in a lot of cases I feel it is a blessing.  So many that pass over have suffered greatly and their suffering is now over.  For that we must rejoice and try to give comfort to the loved ones that are left behind. 

I have been a LPN for 29 years and I still cry everytime I lose  a patient.  My son was killed 7 years ago.  I did CPR on him but it was too late.  It had a negative effect on me as a nurse.  I quit nursing for 4 years and finally came back.  Last week I assisted with CPR on an elderly patient and she died.  Just imagine what that did to me.  The first time I had to do it since my sons death.  After it was all over I went to the dining room and cried.  I still can't believe it still affects me so.s

" I had lost my mother-in -law, seven years ago; she was a great friend to me for almost 18 years.Unfortunately,it was my spouse

  who discovered her,on her kitchen floor>traumatized,he was,to have to deal with death,( she was 60 yrs.old,@ the time ).

  We'd have ongoing discussions about life and death,from time to time,though to lose someone you know / love,is never easy.

  She may be physically-gone,though we can," still sense her spirit ",watching over us / our daughter,( the only grandchild that

   she ever knew / cared for ), on a daily basis...the smell of her perfume,the scent of sulfur / cigarettes she'd smoke and,

   once in a while, the sound of her voice.Sometimes, love shared can be everlasting."

I see it as a blessing at the point in which they die. However, dealing with death is stressful and I just cry and move on. It is okay to cry.

 I don't think years of experience will ever make it easier to accept patient's loss, though the first one will always be the most unforgettable!

 I really hope so!!!

 I totally agree with you!It's harder to deal with loss if it's sudden and unexpected!

When Nurses Cry

As nurses, we have an awesome responsibility and privilege to make a positive difference in the lives of patients and families that we care for in sometimes unexpected and almost unbearable life and death experiences. In certain situations, expressing genuine emotion can be a sincere way to provide emotional support.

 

Although it’s been more than 30 years ago, I remember the occasion very clearly. My first death on Peds as the charge nurse. It was horrible. A four-month old with a congenital heart defect was to be discharged that afternoon. He was to go home and grow a bit more before undergoing a surgery that would correct his heart anomaly.

 

I had just come from the room not 5 minutes earlier and the baby was laughing and playing on his father’s lap. So cute..... The frantic father suddenly appeared in the hallway with the baby in his arms. He was no longer laughing but his little body was lifeless, his face very pale.

 

We rushed him to the treatment room as the code was called and the baby’s physician was notified. Any code is unpleasant, but a code blue on a Peds floor is a dreadful experience.

The tiny treatment room was alive with a high level of anxiety and activity as the many responders crowded around the tiny pale body. Many were unsure of dosages for one so small, but were willing to help in what ever way they could. The baby’s pediatrician arrived and took charge. Despite the long and valiant efforts of many, the baby did not survive.

We were all exhausted......emotionally and physically. The family was devastated as was the entire medical team, tears streaming down the faces of many. There were so many tears. Even the pediatrician was crying. So very sad..........

 

The parents were holding onto one another, sobbing quietly, as the doctor and nurses tried to offer their support. In the face of such an overwhelming and painful crisis, nurses were able to make a difference that day as they provided tender and compassionate care to the mother, father, and extended family....through their tears.

 

Because of the very nature of our work, nurses encounter many situations of grief, death, sorrow, and crisis. While we frequently witness others crying around us, we try to maintain a “level of professionalism”, keeping our emotions in check, especially in front of the patient and/or the family, or other staff. Some people view a display of emotion as weakness, and will suppress their feelings, remaining controlled at all times. As a nurse, it is certainly necessary to control your emotions so you can handle a situation and provide safe and appropriate physical care for the patient. But periodically, not showing our emotions.....our humanness......is viewed as cold and unfeeling. In certain situations, expressing genuine emotion can be a sincere way to provide emotional support.

 

Nurses work very closely with their patients, providing intimate care to the whole person on a daily basis. We see their struggles against their disease; we hear their cries of pain. As we share intimate and intense conversations with patients regarding their care as well as their fears and concerns, we get to know more about them as a person. Because we get to know them and their families so well, we end up caring for them. It is easy to become attached, even though we try to put up our professional boundaries.

Patient suffering and death does affect us as nurses. How we respond is different for each of us. As nurses, we strive to provide compassionate care, sharing in the grief, loss, and fear experienced by patients and their families. We want to do more than just go through the motions, becoming numb to the pain of others.

 

Seeing that doctor cry openly after the death of that infant so many years ago, made a profound impact on a very young nurse who was just embarking on her career. My level of respect for him as a doctor and a person grew. Since that time, I have seen many nurses and doctors shed tears in the presence of the patient and/or family.

These days, I more often care for people on the other end of the life cycle. I am often called upon to stand alongside someone as they take their last breath. I still get tears in my eyes, but I don’t even try to hide them.