These two greenbeans are crossing the freeway when one of them was hit by a semi. His friend scrapes him up and rushes him to the hospital. After hours of surgery the doctor comes in and says "I have good news and bad news". The healthy greenbean says "Okay give me the good news first." The doctor says" The good news is that he is going to live." "So" says the the greenbean "what's the bad news?" "The bad news is he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

How many nurse managers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to get the bulb , one to get the phone numbers and one to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.

*NEW MEDICINE FOR MEN*
With *Viagra* such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.. Here are a few of the new ones: *DIRECTRA* a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. *VIAGRA-SKI* wonderful for those who have a hard time getting up on water-skis. Forty-five minutes after taking it, you'll get up and stay up, out of the water. *CHILDAGRA* Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents". *PROJECTRA* Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one. *COMPLIMENTRA* In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing. *BUYAGRA* Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit. *NEGA-VIAGRA* Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents. *NEGA-SPORTAGRA* This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members. *FLATULAGRA* This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gasesback into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides. *FLYAGRA *This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra. *PRYAGRA* About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. *Note:* Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors." *LIAGRA* This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

Got to ask the FDA, I guess that they the are presently doing trials on our presidential candidates since they all are men, lol

Char, does it feel like I am following you, Just like the good old days? Watch out, I may step on the heel of your shoe.

Three guys are fishing when Fred gets up to get a beer, loses his balance and falls out of the boat.

Ed says, " What should we do?"

Bill says, "You better jump in after him, he's been under water for a while, he might need some help."

So Ed jumps in, and after some time, he surfaces. He says, "Help me get him in the boat."

They wrestle Fred back into the boat.

Ed says, "What do we do now, it doesn't look like he's breathing."

Bill says, "Give him mouth to mouth."

Ed starts to blow air into Fred's mouth and says, "Whoa, I don't remember Fred having such bad breath."

Bill says, "Come to think of it, I don't think Fred was wearing a snowmobile suit, either."

An eighty-year-old came in for a physical in order to obtain a marriage licence. He boasted to the nurse practioner that he was engaged to marry a nineteen year-old. "Now, Mr. Martin" the nurse practioner warned "you should know that when a man your age marries a nineteen-year-old, somebody could get hurt". The old man shrugged "If she dies, she dies".

al_chamizo said:

Char, does it feel like I am following you, Just like the good old days? Watch out, I may step on the heel of your shoe.

Three guys are fishing when Fred gets up to get a beer, loses his balance and falls out of the boat.

Ed says, " What should we do?"

Bill says, "You better jump in after him, he's been under water for a while, he might need some help."

So Ed jumps in, and after some time, he surfaces. He says, "Help me get him in the boat."

They wrestle Fred back into the boat.

Ed says, "What do we do now, it doesn't look like he's breathing."

Bill says, "Give him mouth to mouth."

Ed starts to blow air into Fred's mouth and says, "Whoa, I don't remember Fred having such bad breath."

Bill says, "Come to think of it, I don't think Fred was wearing a snowmobile suit, either."

No-this was really cute!!! I liked it!

hehe,,thanks charlita =)
im having a great time reading all the posted topics/messages. it makes me laugh. =)

A LOVE LETTER I shall seek and find you..I shall take you to bed and control you. I shall make you ach, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.I will make you beg for mercy. I will exhaust you to the point that you wll be relieved when I leave you...and you will be weak for days. All my love, The Flu (who did you think it was?)

Three nurses die in a car accident and go to heaven. They are all asked "When you are lying in your casket and friends and family are mourning, what would you like to hear them say/" The first nurse says: "I would like to hear them say that I was a great nurse and devoted to my patients." The second nurse says "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful nurse and made a difference in many patients" lives". The third nurse says I would like to hear them say,"LOOK, SHE'S MOVING!"

Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk.
Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."

The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees."

The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."

The fourth nurse fainted.

Dr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite.

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, having a husband in the military she said, "Dr. Johnson, your barracks door is open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.

He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

*Medical Charting Errors*

1. "Bleeding began in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."

2. "Patient came in today complaining of chronic vaginal affection."

3. "Since she can't conceive I've sent her to a futility expert."

4. "Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia."

5. "I saw your patient yesterday, who's still under our car for physical therapy."

6. "I've asked him to call and let me know who he's feeling this week."

7. "There was some concern about financial matters, but the patient was told she could apply for pubic assistance."

8. "After her last child she had her tubs tied."

9. "Infection resulted after she pimped a few popples."

10. "Rectal exam reveals normal-size thyroid."

11. "Social history reveals this 1 year old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed."

12. "Patient called and left word that he had expired last week."

13. "When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room."

14. "While she was in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home."

15. "Prior to surgery she was prepped and raped in the usual fashion."

16. "He's rather sedentary and drives a bust all day."

17. "This chubby youngster needs a slim adult to look up to as a role model."

18. "Both her old and new noses have been placed in our album."

19. "I keep reassuring her that her memory will improve, but again today she forgot to pay her bill."

20. "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized."

21. "I told her that for the time being she'll have to bare with me."

22. "His prognosis was poor, having a massive cerebral hemorrhoid."

23. "He's a ten month old male who called on the day of admission to complain that his asthma was worse and he still has left otitis media."

24. "Patient is to remain plastered for the next 6 to 8 weeks."

25. "She got my instructions messed up and cut out all exercise and increased her sweets."

26. "Following the exam of her breasts we discussed the impending nasal surgery."

Pamelab said:

ha ha ha!Pushing the envelope r we Al