It all started so innocently. I was about 14 years old. An older friend asked if I had smoked. I said "no". She offered me a puff of her cigarette she had removed from her aunt's purse. I was hooked. I became a closet smoker at the age of 14. Shortly after this time I moved with my mom and brothers to another community and immediately became friends with the woman who is now my sister-inlaw. She had a mom that smoked and two older sisters who smoked. She would steal the smokes, and we would sneak smoking times when possible. I would guess that I smoked less than a pack a month...I would typically not even smoke 1/2 of a smoke. To be honest I really did not like the taste, the smell, but I was hooked (hindsight).
Over the years I continued to smoke "socially" when out with the girls. I would smoke while camping. I smoked on vacation to Mexico. I was able to stop smoking when I was pregnant with my kids. Although I started back up soon after their birth. I never smoked in the house. I rarely smoked in the car. I knew it was a bad habit. Even at the age of 30 my mom still did not know I smoked...I felt ashamed and did not feel as though she would be happy if she learned I smoked. I hid my smoking from my boys..sometimes I would put them to bed early just to have the oppportunity to stand on porch and smoke.
In 2001 I got divorced. I found myself smoking more and more..and of course my boys were getting older and starting to make comments about smellling smoke on my clothes, or asking why I had lighters in my purse. Smart cookies they are! Needless to say my 1/2 smoke or pack a month had quickly become 1 -2 packs a month!
I was having major female issues and in 2002 my doctor's recommended a complete hysterectomy. The night prior to my surgey I smoked my last cigarette....Get this! I lied to the doctor about my smoking hx...talk about guilt~ I had a week in the hospital with abd. pain and withdrawls from nicotine...It was a rough route, although it worked for me.
Initially I avoided my girlfriends time out on the town, camping, etc..I did not trust myself to not smoke. After about 3 months I finally went out with my girlfriends. Two of them are heavy smokers... and the bars are not smoke free in our community.
I was so proud of myself when I resisted the urge not to smoke while out socializing and drinking. Over the years I have had some what I would say major life stressors...this can be critical for some. Honestly, there were days when I thought of having "just one". But then I remembered my kids, not only did I do it for my health, but for the health of my family.
Cold turkey worked for me. It may not work for most. When I look back I was a closet/soical smoker who had smoked for over 21 years. Wow!
I did see immediate benefits. Prior to my stopping I was having gross lung sounds when I went to lay down and sleep. I could not climb a mountain, hell, I could not even climb a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. Another huge benefit is the cost of smokes...I now put my $ into caffeine industry! Oh, and my skin feels and looks much healthier for my age...when I was 30 my skin really looked and felt more like 50.
Today, I am still smoke free. I have close friends and family members who struggle to stop smoking. One of my favorite friends..Vic is 50 years old. She has been smoking for over 30 years. She stopped last year for approx 4 months...unfortunately she started again following some life stressors. She continues to tell me that she knows she can do it again and is making efforts to set her "stop smoking" date. I have faith in her..she has a new grandbaby and is wanting to also do it for him!
Okay, enough rambling, I hope my story may help someone...
Bobbi
(ps-Please look over my spelling and grammar errors...I type like I talk, fast and choppy!)

vickielee1970 said:

bjconner,
I think your story illustrates perfectly how most people begin smoking as teens or young adults and often do so realizing that it is not good for their health. By time you realize you have a problem you are already hooked. I started "stealing" cigarrettes here and there (from my mom or dad) with my sisters & brother when I was probably 10 or 11. I did not get hooked really until I was probably 14 or 15 when I started having money of my own to buy my own. This being some years ago before it was illegal to sell cigarrettes to minors. In fact I grew up going to the store to buy cigarrettes for my mom and dad. My mom smoked in the labor and delivery room with all 4 of us kids. There is a good argument for the idea that we came into this world hooked on nicotine.

I was the last one to start smoking and first to quit in my family. I remember my first place away from my parents house, I shared a house with my older sister. This is when I realized I was well and truly hooked; we chain smoked and one was always lighting up as soon as the other put one out. I was maybe 16 at the time. Shortly before my 18th birthday, I got sick with carbon monoxide poisoning-the same gas that cigarrettes produce-- I received in bulk from working the drive thru window in Dallas-Fort Worth Texas. I could not eat, I could barely drink water and I puked every time I even started to smoke. So the first week of cold turkey wasn't too difficult. It was the weeks and months to come, with everyone around me smoking, including my soon to be husband.

We married 6 weeks after I turned 18. We left Texas and returned to Georgia. I left my parents and returned to GA to be near his parents. All too soon we discovered we would have a child and I was so grateful I had quit smoking. I did not smoke the entire pregnancy. Shortly after my daughter was born I began to crave cigarrettes and felt obsessed with the idea of smoking again. I am sure the stress of new motherhood, with my family scattered across the country had something to do with my obsession. However, I decided I would buy a pack and either quit for good or start again. I bought the pack and lit up a few. I never took more than a puff or two off of a cigarrette. They were not good to me anymore and I really did not want them. I gave the rest of the pack to my sister in law (Elaine) who smoked the same brand. I did not feel tempted again until about 3 years later when my other sister in law (Kathy) whom I was very close to, had a stroke and almost died. Again my husband and Elaine (1st sister in law) were at our house in the spare room (my husband used this room only for smoking with window open) and they were talking about Kathy and smoking; I asked for one and lit up took 2 drags and put it out. It did not calm my nerves and would only increase my risk of having a stroke too. I have been blessed to have quit and stayed quit. Five years ago my husband and I almost divorced I did not pick the habit back up; I lost my mom to her second bout of cancer 15 months ago, I did not even consider smoking. On the 15th of this month I lost my dad suddenly to a heart attack, I will not smoke.

Smoking is an addiction and a choice. I quit smoking 20 years ago this April. I quit smoking nearly ( I don't think about it some days) every day; I keep choosing to be a non smoker, not a former smoker but a non smoker. I make this distinction because too often those who actually stay quit become so fanatical they turn away those who could really use their advice and help to quit. True, I want to see everyone who smokes become a non smoker; the difference is I believe they have to chose for themselves and I don't believe I have the right to try to chose for them. I will continue to encourage and help as I may those who volunteer to me that they are quitting. I think it is insane that insurance companies can charge us a surcharge for smoking and yet refuse to cover proven techniques and drugs useful for quitting smoking.