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1. 10 ways to tell you’re a nurse
Medical shows fascinate and gross out the Average Joe. But not nurses. Why? Because we know how it really is! You’ll love this mug that proudly lists 10 funny ways to spot a real nurse.
1. Family and friends call you to describe their injuries over the phone.
2. It’s the end of your shift and you realize you haven’t once gone to the bathroom.
3. You can’t function until your caffeine intake is at a therapeutic level.
4. You can scare everyone around you with just one look.
5. You start to point out errors in medical shows.
6. You’ve informed your coworkers who can/cannot work on you if you collapse.
7. You finally learn that doctors are not all that!
8. You get more done by knowing someone in housekeeping than in administration.
9. You can’t imagine wearing heels after a day on your feet.
10. You can smile and know you made a difference at least once in your week.
2. You know you’re an ICU nurse when…
Ask an ICU nurse about feeling overwhelmed and her likely response will be “What’s that?” Check out this mug that lists the quirky ways that ICU nurses constantly “have it handled.”
10. You dread the new resident rotation.
9. You’re used to not using the bathroom in a 12-hour shift.
8. You tell the resident what orders to write.
7. You eat in between hanging blood and plasma.
6. You don’t have a medical degree, but you know the diagnosis and treatment for your patient.
5. You’re there when the code 99 is over before the doctor gets to the room.
4. You’re not afraid to stand up to anyone.
3. Your job is stressful and all you’re afraid of is the thought of cutting people’s hair.
2. You develop really sick humor.
1. You go in to work for your shift and you’re not overwhelmed—it is what it is.
3. You know you’re an ER nurse when…
Working in an ER is often compared to working in a war zone—you never quite know what’s going to come through those doors. This mug lists creative and hilarious ways that ER nurses handle the big issues—like eating lunch!
10. People come up to you in the grocery store and say, “Remember that problem I had down there? It’s better.”
9. You use a graduate to drink water when you can’t find a cup.
8. You talk on the phone, take verbal orders from the MD and answer questions from nurses all at the same time.
7. You can finish eating your slice of pizza after cleaning up puke and think nothing of it.
6. Eating out of an emesis basin is no big deal.
5. Patients call to ask if you’re working.
4. Giving a bed bath entails picking out maggots from between the patient’s toes.
3. You put a tube in every orifice and the biggest Jelco in an obnoxious, passed-out drunk who’s puked and slobbered on you for the last hour.
2. In triage you ask, “And when was the last time you gave this child Tylenol/Motrin?” because you know it wasn’t given at all.
1. A patient comes in and thanks you for saving his life last week.
4. You know you’re an ambulatory surgical nurse when…
Ambulatory surgical nurses deal with patients before and after surgery and definitely have some…er…personality quirks. Let’s just say there’s a sound these nurses like to hear that isn’t considered polite in “normal” life…it’s number 10 on the list “You know you’re an ambulatory surgical nurse when…”
10. You can rest your sandwich on a patient’s hip and still give that enema.
9. You ask a patient about her ambulation and she says, “Now that you mention it, I do have vaginal dryness.”
8. Outside the hospital, the doctor you work with walks right past you without saying hello.
7. The only time your in-laws call is when they need surgery advice.
6. Your eight-hour shift changes to a 12-hour shift when there are no beds in the house to admit your patient.
5. You’re not told what time to come in until the day before.
4. Instead of eating your lunch, you are admitting a patient.
3. You’re asked to also cover the recovery room, all in one day.
2. You have to tell the Huck you’re going to the bathroom so you are not paged.
1. The sound of post-op colonoscopy gas makes you smile.
5. 10 ways to tell you’re a CNA
Is there a job around that can rival the physical aspect of being a certified nursing assistant? Between lifting and turning patients, helping them in and out of bed, helping pick them up off the floor (oops) and doing just about anything else you can think of, the sure sign you’re a CNA has got to be number 6 in this list of 10 ways to tell you’re a CNA: You need a back massage after every shift!
10. You have a handful of pens and permanent markers in your pockets.
9. You can determine how bad the BM is from the smell.
8. You treat certain residents like family.
7. You know every resident by name and what room they’re in.
6. You need a back massage after every shift.
5. You vow never to end up in a facility when you’re old.
4. You know who the smokers are without looking at the list.
3. You deserve a raise for all the B.S. that you deal with.
2. Taking a few days off feels good—when you’re not worrying about work.
1. You say “good night” and “see you soon” to every resident.
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6. Top 10 worst smells in the hospital
Nurses can sniff the air and know exactly what’s going on. Sometimes it can seem like too good of a talent. Seriously, how many people do you know outside of nursing who can tell the difference between poop that’s melena or has c. diff? Every nurse has her opinion about the very worst smell in a hospital. This mug will surely be a controversial one in your break room.
10. Alcohol swabs
9. Benzoin tincture
8. Tube feeds
7. Cafeteria food
5. Code Brown
3. Vascular wounds
2. C. diff
1. GI bleeds
7. 10 ways to know you’re a student nurse
Nursing school will make you act a little strange! Number five on the list of “10 ways to know you’re a student nurse” is a case in point: You learn a new skill and you can’t wait to go home and practice on (or threaten!) a loved one. This mug is the perfect gift for the nursing student in your life.
10. You know the Braden Scale by heart, but have to look up a loved one’s birthday.
9. You have three backpacks to carry all your books.
8. You strive to find a gait belt that matches your scrubs.
7. You realize during clinical post-conference that you either need a stronger deodorant or forgot to put it on again!
6. Cheetos, gummy bears, string cheese and a soda are considered a well-balanced meal.
5. You learn a new skill and can’t wait to go home and practice on (or threaten to) a loved one!
4. You mentally start developing a care plan for everyone you meet.
3. You go out with classmates and all you talk about is pharmacology.
2. You have a permanent kyphosis from lugging your books around.
8. Nursing instructors—truly the only people in the world who get excited by construction next door…it could be a new clinical site for the students! This mug is a heartwarming reminder of the inner life of nursing instructors.
10. You start referring to pens as “student prizes.”
9. You have drug guides and medical dictionaries from every publisher.
8. You start referring to nursing students of all ages as “the kids.”
7. You start counting the days until the next school holiday.
6. You refer to your fellow instructor as your “partner” more than your actual partner.
5. You send for every conceivable complimentary textbook that’s remotely healthcare-related.
4. You beg friends and family “in the biz” to guest speak to your students.
3. You’re more excited about a snow day than when you were in third grade.
2. You get excited by new construction near the hospital—it could be a new clinical site!
1. Each day, you learn as much as you teach.
9. Top 10 things you’ll need in your CNA survival kit
Sometimes nurses just need a survival kit to get through the day—to make them laugh or realize that all is good in the end. Make sure the CNA in your life is well equipped to handle disaster with this mug!
1. A pencil to remind you to list your blessings.
2. An eraser so you can make your mistakes disappear.
3. A rubber band to stretch yourself beyond your limits.
4. A string to tie things together when everything is falling apart.
5. A marble in case someone asks, “Have you lost your marbles?”
6. A stick of chewing gum to stick with it and accomplish anything.
7. A tea bag to remind you to relax and take a moment to breathe.
8. A candy kiss to remind you that someone, somewhere cares about you.
9. A toothpick to remind you to pick out the good qualities in people.
10. A Band-Aid to heal hurt feelings, whether yours or someone else’s.
10. Top 10 ways you know there’s a male nurse on the unit
Male nurses have a subtle way of influencing the nurse unit eco-system. If you notice some of these odd behaviors and occurences, there’s surely a male nurse around the corner!
10. The Hoyer lift is thought of as the backup option.
9. Someone at the nurses’ station isn’t wearing a print top.
8. You no longer call Dr. Strong at the first sign of need.
7. You find yourself with a box of gigantic gloves and wonder where the smaller ones went.
6. Conversations based on sports have somehow infiltrated the unit.
5. Somebody left a burger and fries on the table, where you struggle to convince yourself a salad is fulfilling.
4. Patient assignments are frequently changed after you have taken report and made your first round.
3. A patient keeps calling your co-worker “Doctor” regardless of how many times she is corrected.
2. This complaint becomes familiar: “There are no XL gloves here and they were ordered just for me.”
1. Someone left the toilet seat up in the nurses’ lounge restroom.
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Red flags in the ER
1) You are allergic to Tylenol , Motrin, Ultram, Ultracet, Toradol and pretty much any non narcotic drugs
2) You tell the nurse you have a diagnosis of pseudo seizures which if you were smart enough would realize that means false seizures or to us a big seizure faker.
3.) You have had this issue for a year and just now at 3am decided to visit the ER
4) We saw your brother yesterday for Opioid withdrawal and you share the same address. (hmm did your supplier get busted?)
5) You bring your own bag lunch
6) You ask or tell me that we don’t need to run a drug screen on you.
7) We run a drug screen and you tell us someone must have spiked your drink
8) Because of the 1000 times you have been to the ER it causes my computer to take 10 mins to pull it all up or it just crashes from the stress.
9) The ER nurse knows you by face and can put your name and birthday and most of your history without you even talking.
10) You tell me how the last 2 other ERs that you have been to for this problem don’t know their butt from a hole in the ground.
11) You know my name without looking at my name badge.
12) You request your meds by name. I can’t take Zofran because it doesn’t work but 25mg of Phenergan works…or hmm I don’t like Toradol makes me feel funny. Last time I was here 2mg of Dilaudid worked real well.
13) Your relatives or friends are in rooms 12 and 13.
14) You tell us you’re a 10 on the pain scale but your texting and talking on the phone
15) And last but not least…you tell me you refuse to see these list of doctors because they don’t ever do anything for you.