Short Nurse Jokes

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.


Patient: "Nurse, I just swallowed my pillow!"

Nurse: "How do you feel?"

Patient: "A little down in the mouth"


You know you are a nurse when discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal.

You know you are a nurse when you compliment a complete stranger on his veins.

You know you are a nurse when you find yourself betting on someone's alcohol level.

You know you are a nurse when you know that K-Y jelly is optional.



What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.


Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.


How do you save a doctor from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.


How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None - They just have a nursing assistant do it.


What 's the difference between a nurse and a nun?

A nun only serves one God.

Who takes care of an elephant’s skin?

 

A Pachydermatologist!

 

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What is the technical medical name for a keratin deposit found in a nasal cavity?

 

A fingernail!

 

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A nurse had to take a patient back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made her comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who asked, “How is she?”

 The nurse replied, “Oh, she”s quite dopey.”

 One of the friends said, “We know that, but how is she health wise?”

#WHATSHOULDWECALLNURSING

 

WHEN I THOUGHT I WOULD MISS A CERTAIN SHOW OR GAME ON TV BUT THEN MY PATIENT IS WATCHING IT

 

 

WHEN I ASKED MY PATIENT’S WIFE IF SHE WAS HIS MOTHER

 

 

WHEN I TRY TO SLEEP DURING THE DAY BUT MY NEIGHBOR FIRES UP HIS LAWNMOWER

 

 

WHEN SOMEONE USES THE PHRASE: “JUST A NURSE”

 

WHEN SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAYS THE Q-WORD

 

WHEN SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO SAY THE Q-WORD

 

WHEN THE DOC GIVES A BUNCH OF NEW ORDERS AND EXPECTS ME TO PUT THEM ALL IN AS VERBALS EVEN THOUGH HE IS RIGHT THERE AND NOT BUSY


i’m just like,

 

WHEN WORK CALLS AND ASKS IF I WANT TO PICK UP AN EXTRA SHIFT

 

WHEN I HAVE A TINY CUT ON MY HAND AT WORK

 

WHEN I’M STUCK IN MY PATIENT’S ROOM DOING A STERILE PROCEDURE AND I FORGOT AN ITEM I NEED, SO I HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE TO GET IT FOR ME


i’m just like,