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Nurse Quotes
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Posted 8 months ago
*You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status. *You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac. *You have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA. *You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce. *Your most common assessment question at 2 a.m. is "Why is this an emergency now?" *You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick. *You don't believe 90% of what you're told, and 75% of what you see. *You firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. *You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably. *You believe a book entitled "Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time" will be your next project. *You believe a good tape job will fix anything. *You've ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, "I don't know how that got stuck in there." *You have ever had a patient say, "I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant! I can't be having a baby!" *You have a special shrine in your home to the inventor of Haldol. |
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25373 posts back to top |
| Posted 8 months ago
*When called for orders, the MD says, "Write them yourself; you know the patient better than I do." *You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is an emergency. *Ever rolled your eyes when the 14 year-old says, "No, I've never had sex." *You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors. *You can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand, and it doesn't bother you. *You believe Tylenol, Advil, or Excedrin provides a large part of your daily calorie intake requirements. *You've ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone's vein and said, "Now your going to feel a little stick." *You can identify the "PID Shuffle" and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 15 feet. *You've ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots." *You've ever thought, "As long as he's got a pulse, I don't care about the rhythm." *You think the ultimate cruel joke is get someone drunk, take them to the ER and tell them he OD'd on "some kind of pills." *You automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily. *You can keep a straight face when a patient responds, "Just two beers." *You feel that if someone is shot or stabbed, they probably deserved it. |
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25373 posts back to top |
| Posted 8 months ago
*You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse. *You look in your closet and can't find anything non-medical to wear. *You've ever told anyone in pain to "stop being a baby and deal with it." *You have a patient in four-point leathers that asks if you're a nurse, you reply "Yes", and walk away. *You've ever told a patient to "stop faking it." *You believe all bleeding stops...eventually. *You don't get excited about blood loss unless it's your own. *You don't hit patients or doctors....unless absolutely necessary. *You believe the pain will go away when it stops hurting. *Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you've obviously don't understand the situation. *You believe if you can keep your head among all this confusion, you obviously don't understand the situation. *You've ever said, "Why am I here?" *If you believe if a patient who has a catheter, he needs it. *Everyone gets treated exactly the same...until they piss you off. |
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25373 posts back to top |
| Posted 8 months ago *You see stress as a normal way of life. *You have a tendency to laugh at your patient's "big" problems. *You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart. *You believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. *You've ever thought, "Patients, God love 'em, because today, I sure don't!" *Everything only happens all at once. *You have more T-shirts that say, "Love a nurse PRN" than plain T-shirts. *You've ever referred to other nurses as "Band-Aid Bunnies." *You've ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw-up.
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25373 posts back to top |
| Posted 8 months ago *You can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning. *You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine. *You can't see it; it's probably not there. *Your sense of humor seems to get more warped each year. *You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation. |
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25373 posts back to top |
| Posted 8 months ago *You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead. You call some of your co-workers "Flowers in the Field of Medicine" because they're bloomin' idiots. |
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25373 posts back to top |
| Posted 8 months ago
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25373 posts back to top |
| Posted 8 months ago You believe that if warm wine enemas were routinely ordered, patient complaints would greatly decrease. |
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25373 posts back to top |
| Posted 8 months ago You hope there's a special place in He#l for the inventor of the call light. |
