Ma Goose is one morbid old broad.

Violet has this big book of nursery rhymes that is at the top of her favorite book rotation.

This means that at least once or twice a week I read her rhymes and songs featured in the book.

 

by the way, and I highly recommend it despite the questionably R-rated contents. I say that with my tongue firmly in my cheek, of course, because nursery rhymes are nursery rhymes regardless of what book you find them in.

 

But there’s the thing…

Have you ever actually thought about some of these rhymes and songs we’ve been repeating since the time we were toddlers ourselves?

Sometimes I’ll be reading a little ditty to Violet and what I’m joyfully sing-songing suddenly strikes my brain and I’m all Mother Goose rhymes have been sanitized in recent years but original versions were filled with violence.

Domestic violence is one of the more common themes in old nursery rhymes, with wives and daughters bearing the brunt of the abuse, ranging from beating with a stick to flat-out murder.

The early Victorians no doubt thought these rhymes were instructive to their daughters, who would learn to be obedient, dutiful wives.

But much like parents today, outraged over violence in video games and music, moms and dads in the fifties weren’t all that thrilled with nursery rhymes.

But, despite the apparent sanitization of Ma Goose, nursery rhymes are still pretty out there.

Take a look at 15 popular nursery rhymes chock full of violence, fear and death and read about their origins.

Three Blind Mice

Three blind mice, three blind mice,

See how they run, see how they run,

They all ran after the farmer's wife,

Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,

Did you ever see such a thing in your life,

As three blind mice?

Not only are the mice blind but they have to deal with some crazy-ass, knife-wielding wife? Yet another rhyme based on England's storied past. This one is about Queen Mary I, the daughter of King Henry VIII. Mary was so well known for her persecution of Protestants that she was given the nickname "Bloody Mary." When three Protestant bishops were convicted of plotting against Mary, she had them burnt at the stake.

There Was An Old Woman Who Swallowed a Fly

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - perhaps she'll die!

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,

That wriggled and wiggled and tiggled inside her;

She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!

This rhyme goes on and one with the old woman swallowing a bird, cat, dog, horse and a cow with the end of each verse cheerily suggesting she might die!

There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do;

She gave them some broth without any bread;

Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

Nothing wrong with a sound whipping every now and again, right? I also happen to be serving broth for dinner tonight. There is no specific origin for this rhyme but there are several theories. According to suite101.com, "Some students of Mother Goose believe that the “old woman” was a symbol for the English Parliament and that the rhyme represents its treatment of its colonies (children) in the 17th Century. Others believe the “old woman” was Mother Goose herself who they claim was Elizabeth Goose, or Vergoose, of colonial Boston." Others believe the old woman represents King George III who had a contentious relationship with Parliament and was often called "the old woman" behind his back. "Supporters of “George III as the old woman” contend that the “shoe” represents Great Britain, the “children” are Parliament members, and the “bed” is a symbol for the houses of Parliament." This is just one of several nursery rhymes based on English history.

Sing a Song of Sixpence

Sing a song of sixpence,

A pocket full of rye.

Four and twenty blackbirds,

Baked in a pie.

When the pie was opened,

The birds began to sing

Wasn't that a dainty dish,

To set before the king?

The king was in his counting house,

Counting out his money;

The queen was in the parlour,

Eating bread and honey.

The maid was in the garden,

Hanging out the clothes;

When down came a blackbird

And pecked off her nose.

Now that had to hurt! But the missing nose isn't the only alarming thing about this little ditty. baking blackbirds into a pie. I can't believe they taste very good. I'd stick with the queen and her bread and honey. The origins of this song are largely unknown although it's said that the original line had naughty little boys being baked into the pie instead of blackbirds.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill

went up the hill,

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down,

And broke his crown;

And Jill came tumbling after.

A broken crown? That sounds serious. Like, a concussion? A hole in the noggin? Well, crown literally means crown and not a reference to Jack's head, "This poem originated in France. The characters refer to King Louis XVI, Jack, and his Queen Marie Antoinette, Jill. Jack was beheaded (lost his crown) first, then Jill came tumbling after during the Reign of Terror in 1793." Oh, a beheading. Much better than a little boy's concussion... NOT.

Little Miss Muffit

Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey;

Along came a spider,

Who sat down beside her

And frightened Miss Muffet away

Not exactly R-rated but is a scary-ass spider really something you want to be reading to your toddler just before bed? Apparently the rhyme was written by the stepfather of a small girl named Patience Muffit. He also happened to be an entomologist famous for writing the first scientific catalog of British insects.

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

It's raining; it's pouring.

The old man is snoring.

He went to bed and bumped his head,

And he couldn't get up in the morning.

We sing this song every time it rains and I always wonder: is the old man dead? Does he have a concussion? Coma? The "Either he got totally wasted last night or he has a severe concussion…either way, I’m pretty sure that’s not a message we should be sending to our children." the song is a classic description of a head injury resulting in a epidural hematoma. Either way, not so much for the kids, yeah?