Funny medical newspaper misprints!


Small typos can make a world of difference, especially for printed words about the medical profession. Here are 13 hilarious examples of why you shouldn’t always believe what you read.


1. From an article on stomach trouble:

“Doctors are beginning to accept that stomach ulcers are infectious. They are caused by a bug called Helicopter.”


2. From More:

“Your chance of catching an STD during your period is greater, because the blood changes the PhD level in the vagina.”


3. From the Daily Mail:

“Choking patients can now be incubated to maintain their airwaves.”


4. The Sunday explanation for the extinction of dinosaurs:

“The extinction may well have occurred when a steroid hit the Earth.”


5. Another newspaper misprint:

“The Welsh international had to withdraw when the cut turned sceptic.”


6. From a Sunday newspaper:

“The surgeon said he’d removed my momentum—the funny apron of fat that covers the intestines.”


7. From The

The paper recently carried a news report about a chap who’d happily “recovered from a tuna of the kidney.”


8. An excerpt

“If we are over-diagnosing asthma, then we must be under-diagnosing the other causes of nocturnal cough, such as post-natal drip.”


9. From a national newspaper:

“Cutting down on fats reduces the risk of heart disease. Try to choose unsaturated fats, which are found in red meat, milk, cheese, coconut oil, palm oil and butter…”


10. From the Daily Mail:

“A transplant surgeon has called for a ban on ‘kidneys-for-ale’ operations.”


11. From a local paper:

“On the Sunday before Christmas, there will be a potluck supper in the church hall, followed by prayers and medication.”


12. From the  Evening Post:

“Cash plea to aid dyslexic cildren.”


13. An interesting health tip

“In America you can buy melatonin as a vitamin supplement. It is a hormone that your penile gland secretes when it gets dark.”

 Psycho-surgeons

Psycho-surgeons – source unknown (just gossip?)

At the Medical Center in Worcester, Mass., two surgeons recently had a falling-out during a laparotomy.


Nurses started screaming in fright, but this didn’t put off the two surgical gents. As they grew crosser and crosser, they actually tried to stab each other with their scalpels.


Eventually they calmed down and finished the operation. The patient survived and the Massachusetts authorities ordered both surgeons to undergo psychotherapy.

 Save my child

 

Save my child – source unknown (but we’ve heard this one before! Hmmm…)

A young woman brought her child into Children’s Hospital for a routine check-up. On the records, the nurse saw that the child’s first name was Urine (pronounced “Urin-ie”). Not wanting to be rude, but curious as to why this woman would give her child that name, the nurse asked her about it.


The woman explained, “Well, my baby was born premature and had to stay in the special nursery. She was real sick and they didn’t know if she would make it. I couldn’t decide what to name her, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One day I came in and the nurses had already named her. There was this paper on her incubator that said ‘Please save Urine,’ so I knew that the nurses had named my baby.”

The South African Floor Polisher Massacre

The paper reports that every Friday over a period of months a couple of years ago, hospital staff found a patient occupying a certain bed in intensive care lying dead with no apparent cause. At first it seemed coincidental. Then doctors feared a “killer disease.”


Deaths continued.


Finally, a nurse noticed the Friday cleaning lady doing her weekly chores. This maid would enter the ward, unplug the life support system beside the bed, plug in her floor polisher, clean the ward and once again plug in the patient, leaving no trace of the cause of the patient’s death.