Kids

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

 

 

 Freaks

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nothing

 

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Leave

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Pretending

 

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

 

Attention Span

 

I don't have a short attention span, I just... Oh look a squirrel.

Top Ten Reasons To Work An Overtime Shift On The Weekend

 

10. Think of all the weight you'll lose from not getting to eat because of short staffing.

9. Think of the closeness you'll develop with your co-workers after being knee-deep in Code 10's, Code Blues and Code Browns.

8. Everyone is so frazzled, so next to them you look fabulous!

7. Think of what a challenge it will be to your nursing skills to run a code without a Crash Cart because they are all down in Central Supply being replaced.

6. The joy of having the previous shift's charge nurse tell you, "I don't understand why no one would return my calls to work today or tonight. Oh, and by the way, you have four nurses for this shift, and a full house of patients sick as dog dirt."

5. Because you're a new grad and you want to be a "TEAM PLAYER" like your head nurse told you to be. (That and you have "sucker" stamped on your forehead!)

4. When you go home with your back aching from not having any nursing assistants who work weekends and your feet aching from running your butt off for "emergency procedures" (like the gas pain your patient has had for a week that is suddenly unbearable), you'll know that you really ARE a caregiver.

3. Think of all the computer skills you'll gain from putting in your own orders and ordering supplies from Central Supply because your Unit Secretary got pulled to another unit. (That can go on your resume as...."Know how to operated multiple outdated computer equipment.")

2. You don't have time to adequately chart so you may get to learn how our judicial system works. On the bright side, your handwriting will be so bad that it can say whatever you want it to say!

1. Think of what a GREAT "Learning Experience" this will be. (Translation: You just got shafted!!)

 

These are all GENUINE replies from patients asked why they needed an ambulance to and from hospital...

=> I am under the doctor and cannot breathe.

=> I can't walk to the bus stop and my wife is bent.

=> I can't breathe and haven't done so for many years.

=> I want transport as bus drivers do funny things to me and make me feel queer.

=> I am blind in one eye and my leg.

=> I live five miles from the hospital and the postman says I should have it.

=> I have got arthritis and heart failure in both feet and knees.

=> I must have a man as I cannot go out or do up my suspenders.

=> I cannot walk up a hill unless it is down and the hill to the hospital is up.

=> My husband is dead and will not bring me.

=> I cannot drive a car as I have not got one.

=> I hope you will send a man as my husband is quite useless.

=> I can come at any time to suit you, but not mornings as I don't feel too good. I can't come on Mondays or Wednesdays as the home help comes, and not on Fridays as the baker calls for his money. I can't come on Tuesdays as my sister calls.