Break Time >> Nursing Humor >> Pulled Over
Pulled Over
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Posted 7 months ago A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
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| Posted 7 months ago Tail Lights "How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
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| Posted 7 months ago Safe Driver A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
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| Posted 7 months ago
1) Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion. 2) Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you. 3) You think that caffeine should be available in IV form. 4) You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants. 5) You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain. 6) You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers. 7) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here." 8) You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit." 9) You have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?" 10) You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there." 11) Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"
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| Posted 7 months ago NURSING SCHOOL SURVIVAL RULES When in doubt, wash your hands. The correct answer is either "handwashing" or "patent airway." If it moves, ambulate it. If it doesn't move, turn and reposition it Q2H. Remember the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not cross thy sterile field. The instructor is ALWAYS right. See Rule #5.
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| Posted 7 months ago
Nurses reasons to date a Dr. White scrubs are see through
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| Posted 7 months ago The Ranks of a Hospital, Nursing Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor General Practitioner: Resident: Intern: Medical Student: Nurse:
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| Posted 7 months ago
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
A man walks into a Doctors. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asked. "You're not eating properly." replied the Doctor.
"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, or at church I get lots of silent gas emissions. As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?" "The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing"
A man goes to doctor and says: 'Doctor, I have a problem. When I drink tea, my eye aches(sp?) and when I stop, it stops too. Can you help me?' Doctor says:'Take the spoon out of the cup!'
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands from shaking!" "Do you drink a lot?" "Not really - I spill most of it.
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26693 posts back to top |
| Posted 7 months ago
These are only jokes... Please do not get offended....
What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's Disease? You can hide your own Easter eggs.
DEMENTIA: DEPRESSION: MANIC: MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: NARCISSISTIC: OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: PARANOID: PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: PERSONALITY DISORDER: SCHIZOPHRENIA:
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth and mother's maiden name If you are anal retentive, please hold. If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you have low self esteem, please hang up now. All our operators are too busy to talk to you." If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you have a nervous disorder, please fiddle with the * key until a representative comes on the line. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are phobic, don't press anything. If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000 If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
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26693 posts back to top |
| Posted 7 months ago
When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!" "Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget." "Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!" "OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife. "Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?" |
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26693 posts back to top |
| Posted 7 months ago
When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!" "Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget." "Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!" "OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife. "Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?" |
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| Posted 7 months ago
Top Ten Signs You Need A New Doctor He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk."
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"
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