What I Remember from Nursing School.

 

 

It’s only been half a decade, but nursing school seems so long ago. Let me rephrase that – me as a student nurse seems almost unbelievable.

 

I mean in the past 5 years I have grown so much as a nurse and as a professional that when I think about myself as a nurse back then I am just speechless at how much I DID NOT know. Not only that – but I had no idea how much I would learn.

 

I thought nursing school was THE ‘ticket’ – after nursing school I would be ready. Boy was I wrong. But the ‘me’ now (meaning me as nurse) wants to stay as grounded as possible, so I’m remembering all the ‘highlights’ from nursing that were (clearing my throat) eye-opening and just down-right side-stitching laugh-out-loud entertaining. At least they are now.

 

I remember from nursing school:

 1.How much I hated looking like a walking Q-tip (students wore all white uniforms)

 2.My very first stethoscope – boy it was horribly heavy

 3.The concept of the stethoscope being put in your ears properly – I didn’t get that at first. LOL

 4.Learning to give my first bed bath (people get baths in bed? Really?)

 5.Learning to give my first subcutaneous injection to an orange (that poor orange)

 6.Starting my very first IV on a patient as she sat up at the bedside and cried in horror (true story)

 7.Learning that the arm above the toilets only worked when you lowered them down (yes – I ducked the first time I used it)

 8.Lowering the patient’s bed is a good thing (I left it sky high once – and forgot)

 9.Hanging my first IV fluids and IV antibiotic (I thought it was the coolest thing in the world)

 10.EKG’s scared the bejesus outta me at first (PQRST? What the heck does the alphabet have to do with those lines?)

 11.Taking a blood pressure

in front of my instructors ( I dropped the cuff twice – my palms were sweaty)

 12.My first subcutaneous injection given to a ‘real’ patient (I was shaking)

 13.My obnoxiously large clipboard that carried everything to clinicals (it had pockets, a calculator, ruler, calculations, etc)

 14.Looking up all those darn drugs for clinicals each day (I lost a lot of sleep)

 15.Care plans became the devil (I lost even more sleep)

 16.Time management took on a whole new meaning (I really wanted someone to invent the 30 + hour day – 24 just wasn’t enough)

 

And I remembered, and am reminded every day, that not everyone could do this job.

 

 

2. “I worked with a new hire, Tiffany, who was ‘snug’ in a size 18 but wore size 12 pants. She always wore a thong, even though her scrub bottoms wouldn’t cover her hips, let alone her bum!! NO ONE wants to see that during a code or trauma in the ED…ick.”

 

 

4.  Michelle: Batman and Iron Man shirts have nothing on Charlie Brown, Winnie the Pooh and the Jonas Brothers scrubs designs.”

 

 

5. “AJU = All Jacked Up (multiple issues)

 FTF = Failure to Fly (usually head-bonks, but can be used throughout traumas)

 FLK with GLM/GLD = Funny Lookin’ Kid with Good Lookin’ Mom/Dad (probably a syndrome)

 FLK with FLM/FLK = Funny Lookin’ Kid with Funny Lookin’ Mom/Dad (probably just genetics)

 Capital A circled = can mean either ‘anxious’ or ‘a**hole,’ depending on the situation…one step above PITA.”

 

 

Doctor d’ohs! –>

 

6. “Love , but no, ONE doctor doesn’t do brain surgery, heart surgery, CT scans, blood draws, empties catheters, does angiograms and liver biopsies, etc. I always wonder why they don’t hire a medical consultant.”

 

 

7. “My all-time favorite is when you wear regular dress clothes and a guy looks at you and says, ”I have never seen you with clothes on.” A doctor said this to me once. The nurses’ station got very quiet, and then when he walked away, there were lots of hoots!”

 

 

8. “I used to say you must be a nurse if you believe speeding lead therapy (a bullet) is one of the best treatments for some patients.”

 ”

 

9. “Someone please tell the new kids (or whoever does this) that there is to be no crack on the unit. Besides dragging pants, there’s an awful lot of butt cracks showing with those low riders…arrgh!”

 

 

10. “Going along with the popcorn from a bedpan thing, I have also seen people on my floor drink pop out of the big graduates that we empty foleys and colostomys into! I can’t bring myself to do it because even though I know they are clean, I can’t get over the mental image.”

1. I remember drawing blood for the first time on a real person (not those fake mannequin arms with the red dyed liquid). One of the nurses I worked with was brave enough to let me practice on her. As I started through the skin, she yelled, ‘Ouch!’ It startled me so much I dropped the needle. It was hanging off her arm, half in and half out, as she said through gritted teeth, ‘Finish shoving it all the way in!’ I did. Finished drawing the blood and we still laugh about that to this day.”



2. “Psych hospital, struggling with a difficult patient during a tense situation. While trying to restrain said patient, bottoms came loose and fell down as I was tackled to the floor. Now lying on the floor (which is covered in urine from the patient’s refusal to use the restroom) and restraining patient with pants around my ankles. Then staff shows up in room to this image. Will never live it down (and want to shower every time I even think about it).”



3.”‘Positive Revlon Sign’—you can tell when a patient is feeling better when she starts to wear makeup.”



4. “This isn’t a slang term but something I heard between a doctor and an RN who know each other well. She was questioning his orders and he said, ‘Do you see MD after my name? That means Makes Decisions.’ She replied quickly with, “Do you see RN after




5. TMB. One of my favorite doctors actually used this as a diagnosis—’Too Many Birthdays’! Haha.”



6. “I was taking care of a 96-year-old black lady who thanked me repeatedly for being an angel. ‘Oh, I’m no angel,’ I assured her, ‘just ask my kids. They think I’m the Wicked Witch of the West.’ Without skipping a beat, she said, ‘Child, that means you’re doing your job.’ I love that lady sooooo much and have used her line repeatedly on my kids, much to their displeasure!”



7. “I took a nap in the broom closet and forgot to wake up, and the entire staff looked for me for an hour. They thought someone had kidnapped me because it was on third shift and the nursing home was out in the boondocks.”



8. “Nap? What is that? Being a nurse I rarely find myself with the luxury of a nap. Those little catnaps work wonders, though…I woke up with my head on the laundry basket in the closet. I only got down there to find my missing shoe, I swear. LOL!”



9. “One time when I had worked a double and came back the next day, I had very little sleep in between and was sooooo tired I fell asleep sitting on the toilet!”



10. “Forensic Pathologist fishes a body out of a river and knows right away it’s a nurse. Why? The stomach was empty, the bladder full, and the a** completely chewed off!”