That trick never works! (Wait. Maybe it will….)

 

When the fine folks here at Scrubs asked me to do a short series of posts on nursing, one of their suggested subjects was “Ridiculous Tips from Nurses.” I should probably call it “Ridiculous Tips from Other Nurses” because, as you, my astute readership, already knows, Auntie Jo is a number of things (fabulous, graceful, lightly scented and lovely), but never, ever is she redonk.

 

However, I have plenty of (cough) coworkers (cough) who are.

 

Ridiculous Tip Number One: Unclogging a G-tube

We’ve all seen this: a PEG tube that refuses, despite our entreaties and exhortations, to become unclogged. We’ve all tried Coca-Cola, meat tenderizer and prayer, and we’ve all failed.

 

My best redonk tip for clearing a clogged G-tube came from a rehabilitation physician, so I’m not sure it even fits here, but here goes:

 

Mix papain (meat tenderizer) with very hot water from the coffee machine and massage it down the tube.

 

Swear to frogs, people, that works every time. It might take more than one application and a little effort, but I’ve unclogged tubes that were the equivalent of Tut’s tomb with that technique.

 

 

Ridiculous Tip Number Two: Always carry a tape measure and a permanent marker

Most nurses only carry tape measures if they’re working labor and delivery or prenatal services. It’s incredibly handy to have one, though, as things like TED hose always seem to come without tape measures, and you never have one on hand to measure a wound.

 

The same goes for a permanent marker. I’ve done everything with mine but autograph a line of staples. You can draw circles around swellings, initial dressings, date IV sites and (in a pinch) draw a moustache on that resident you don’t like very much while he’s napping.

 

 

Ridiculous Tip Number Three: Milk and molasses

 

Mix equal parts molasses and whole milk, microwave until warm and use as an enema. For some reason it works every time, even when Fleet’s has failed. I normally make up about a cup’s worth (call it 250 cc), though I might use more if the patient is really in a bad state.

 

Plus, it smells like gingerbread cookies. It gets everywhere and is sticky as all get-out, true, but it smells like gingerbread cookies