Physician: “This will feel like a pinch.”

 

Translation: “This will feel like I’m shooting you with a small-caliber handgun in slow motion.”

 

Physician: “The patient presents with an interesting medical history…”

 

Translation: ”Way too much to go into here; check out the previous doctor’s dictation.”

 

Physician: “….With certain factitious elements.”

 

Translation: “Munchausen.”

 

Physician: “The patient is an extremely pleasant middle-aged man.”

 

Translation: ”The patient talks a lot.”

 

Physician: “The patient has a good fund of general knowledge”

 

Translation: ”She reads more than I do.”

 

Physician: “Every four hours around the clock.”

 

Translation: ”This person won’t take pain medicine and needs to be encouraged to do so.”

 

Physician: “Emphasize proper follow-up care.”

 

Translation: ”This person came to see me four years ago and I haven’t seen her since.”

 

Physician: “There will be moderate discomfort.”

 

Translation: ”This procedure will hurt like blazes.”

 

Physician: “Patient states…”

 

Translation: ”I can’t possibly do justice to what he just said.”

 

Physician: “Walk TID with Nursing.”

 

Translation: ”Good luck getting her out of bed.”

 

Physician: “Nursing to provide education on…”

 

Translation: ”Good God, I’m pressed for time.”

 

Physician: “Proper diet and exercise regimen was encouraged.”

 

Translation: ”Please, Nursing, go over the ADA diet again. Thanks.”

 

Physician: “The patient prevents with sociopathic elephants and compliance of derriere spoonerisms.”

 

Translation: ”This was the transcriptionist’s first day on the job.”