Nursing schools are notoriously tough, and soon-to-be nurses typically are given all sorts of advice on how to survive. Is most of the advice helpful? Sure. But usually it’s dry, dry, dry. l. Not only are these tips helpful, but they’re also hilarious!
1. I had an instructor who was a nun. When doing my first male catheter, she said to me, “You have to grab it like you own it.” Not sure who was more embarrassed, me or the patient!
2. “Never trust a fart.” :-0
3. “Keep your fingernails trimmed, but leave one sharp and pointy to pop the blister packs the meds come in.”
4. My teacher would say, “When washing your hands, scrub until your boobies shake!”
5. “Always document through the eyes of an attorney…a lying, dirty attorney!”
6. “Always, always wear two gloves when giving a supp. Because do you really want to depend on one glove when you’re knuckle-deep in a stranger’s rectum?”
7. The first and best advice I got from a nurse on the first-ever day of clinical: “When you have to pee, pee, ’cause it could be 10 hours before you get another chance!”
8. “Don’t stand too close when cleaning up a Code Brown—there may be more coming!”
9. “If it’s wet and it’s not yours, don’t touch it! Put on gloves first!”
10. “When you can eat lunch with poo/blood on your scrubs, THEN you’re a real nurse!”