Nurse as Super Mom

There are a few battles constantly waging war within most moms. The battles are due to self imposed, unrealistic standards we’ve designed for ourselves. While we may feel good when we meet these high standards, they cause enormous amounts of stress and falling short leaves us filled with blame, doubt and insecurity. Here are a few examples.

Nurses, what is your idea of a good mom? Is it a woman who always looks great, never loses her cool, manages her home, work, family, and self with ease and perfection? Are her kids always neat, bright, and well behaved, her house always spotless, her style always cutting edge? Is she always made up, with perfect hair, nails and toes? How about her husband? Is he charming, involved, and successful? Who came up with all this and what benefit could it possibly give us by finding fault with ourselves if we have anything less? It’s great to set high standards for yourself and your family and, of course, you want the best of everything. That being said, although it’s possible to have it all, sometimes it’s just not possible to have it all at the same time.

 

With young, messy kids running through your house, it may not be the best time to expect your home to look like a museum. When you haven’t slept in days and have been working long shifts, you may not feel like spending the extra energy to prepare a five course meal and maybe something simpler will do. When you just delivered your baby, it may not be the best time to berate yourself for not being able to button the pre-pregnancy jeans. I’m not saying these things can’t and won’t happen, they may just not happen the minute you want them to, and that’s okay. What can you do?

The first and most important thing to do is to take some pressure off of yourself. Realize these expectations and standards are self imposed and causing you mental, physical, and emotional stress (and you know what that stress can do). You decided these standards were important, so you’re the one who needs to decide they don’t work for you anymore. By relaxing unrealistic expectations, you’ll take some of the pressure off that’s been a great source of stress. Come to grips with the idea that with a plan, you’ll get to it all in time.

The next thing to do is prioritize what is important to you. For example, let’s say healthy eating and exercising are your most immediate concerns. If that’s something you feel needs your attention, make the decision to spend the time planning your meals, cooking more healthfully, and exercising while loosening up your standards about having a spotless house - go for neat instead. Lose the guilt and let it go! If your children need extra attention in order to behave in a more socially acceptable way, spend the time on them and cut back somewhere else like surfing the net or watching TV. If you’ve been neglecting your relationships, cut back somewhere else and find the time to connect. Without a plan, it’s easy to allow stress to paralyze and consume you. This leaves us feeling powerless and without hope. There are only so many hours in a day, so it’s important to schedule your day with your priorities in mind. Schedule them into your calendar or date book like an appointment. Make no excuses, feel good about your decision and honor your schedule the best way you can. It’s time for a goal.