28667 postsback to top
Posted 5 months ago
YOU MIGHT BE AN E.R. NURSE IF . . .
28667 postsback to top
| Posted 5 months ago
You might work in an ER if...
You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency...
You've ever entered a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk"...
You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors"...
You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots"...
You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing...
You've ever thought "as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry about that rhythm."...
You've ever referred to a body bag as a "To Go" bag...
You've identified the ULTIMATE Cruel Practical Joke (get someone drunk, then take them to the ER and announce that they've overdosed on "some kind of pills" just prior to arrival)...
You think of chocolate, coffee, Coca-Cola® and the cafeteria's frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups... (A big thank you to Shannon for the great contributions)
You've ever heard the radio report from the ambulance and put the morgue bag on the cart before the patient arrives...
You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious MVA on backboards with sirens on and anxiety a level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch... (and you know that this is more time than you usually get)... (Special thanks to Henry J. Siegelson, MD)
You have ever heard triage nurse first ask, "Is it urgent?" when interrupted from the first break in hours... (Special thanks to Warren Magnus, D.O.)
You have four categories of patients...urgent, emergent, non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off)...
You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have daily...
You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation...
You don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history questions because you can fill it out from memory...
You can keep a straight face as the patient responds "Just two beers"...
You give the local drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you) won't be disturbed by a return visit...(Thanks to Robert G. Jester)
Well, I hope you enjoyed them. Please let me know if you have any suggestions, recommendations or additions for the next update! If you have any complaints, please keep them to yourself! Until next time, Keep smiling, It makes the shift go faster.
28667 postsback to top
| Posted 5 months ago
The Old Emergency Workers Test Scale
You notice that your colleagues no longer introduce you to others as "a dynamite paramedic", but instead introduce you as "a dinosaur paramedic."
You notice that new partners are not that much older than your own kids.
You notice that enthusiasm and excitement for the profession correlates most greatly with the relative youth of the person.
You realize that several "crops" , "graduating classes", or "generations " of trainees have passed through your tutelage in the field.
You notice people looking at you strangely as you describe actually learning to use Colonel Holger-Nielson's Method of Back-Pressure Arm-Lift Artificial Respiration and feeling that you were prepared with the latest and best.
You notice that you're the only one who knows, understands, and can explain equipment such as "three-bottle suction set-up for chest tubes", "Thomas Splint, Keller-Blake Half-Ring Traction Splint, Pearson Knee Attachment, etc. When astonishment is expressed, you find yourself saying "they even used to have a Murray-Jones splint for traction splinting of the arm!"
You are the only one in the group who can explain "How To Help A Wounded Man From His Horse."
You have used a Stevenson "Minuteman" Resuscitator; or can explain the differences between it, the "Emerson", "E&J", etc., and basically give an experience-based history of "Artificial Respiration" and mechanical resuscitators.
You have done gastric lavage with a hanging glass jar and red rubber tubing.
You have carried patients with a "Poles and Canvas" stretcher.
You're not only the only one who knows how to use a triangular bandage as a sling, but know six different ways to do so.
You can recall when only one crewmember on the ambulance had to have a first aid card and that person was usually the driver. You can further recall that a mechanism existed whereby counties could be exempted from the equipment, staffing, and training requirements if hardship existed, thus less than minimal standards could be legal.
You remember having to ring a doorbell or call the hospital telephone operator to have the Emergency Room opened for your patient.
You remember when ambulance or E.R. equipment included a blackjack or billy club.
You are the only person who knows what is meant by the phrase "Converta-Hearse."
You remember when a mortuary operating an ambulance was not thought of as a conflict of interest, but a public service from the only fellow in town who had a car in which one could lie down .
You remember when a doctor's house call "was" the Pre-Hospital Care.
You remember the phrase: "Is there a doctor in the house?"
You remember (and can still feel) nurses telling patients "The Ambulance Drivers are here to give you a ride" or even "The Ambulance Boys . . ."
You remember explaining countless times each day "What's an Emergency Medical Technician?" to which the invariable reply was "Oh, you mean an Ambulance Driver!"
You are introduced as a "Pioneer" in emergency medicine and you suddenly realize that you are.
You realize, or it is pointed out to you, that many of your conversational items begin "I remember when . . . "
You notice people remarking as they hear your paramedic number "God, that's a low number!"
You realize that more than half of the hospitals you go to have been renamed, reorganized , merged, or closed.
You find that most of the people you now work with don't know any of the people who "used to be here" and they really don't know anything about your original preceptor, and there have been several chiefs or bosses since you started.
You find it is necessary to explain how vehicle manifold suction worked and how, to get full vacuum effect, it was necessary to call out "Suctioning!" so that he could let up on the accelerator pedal. People also don't understand how "The Resuscitator" had an oxygen-powered venturi "aspirator."
You qualify if at any time in your career you worked in ambulances made from "station wagons", "panel trucks" (including "step vans" and "metro vans"), "sedan-delivery" vehicles, low-top Cadillacs or other brand of "limousine chassis", any "Converta-Hearse", etc.; younger emergency workers may qualify if they worked in any ambulance that did not meet federal KKK-1824A specifications.
You qualify also if a substantial portion of your career took place before rubber gloves were supplied.
You earn additional points for qualification if your career began before seat belts were common.
You admit to yourself that nowadays the chief reason you enjoy precepting paramedic trainees is that you don't have to carry the gurney anymore.