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Good clean laughs

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Rn_max50

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Posted about 1 year ago

 

 This one was so cute, I had to share it. It makes me laugh every time.


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  A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.

 Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him and he did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

 The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

 After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car." 


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Nana_and_grandkids_minus_noah_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

cute!
100_0248_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

Very good.

Ginny
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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

Here is another funny one:


  <!--StartFragment-->The Bathtub Test



During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?



'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'



'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'



'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?' <!--EndFragment-->

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100_0248_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

busyrn: that is one of my favorits.

Ginny
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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

A short time back we lost a great comedian.  He could be vulgar, and blunt, but was also incredibly witty, and wise. George initially had a so-called clean act when he started but realize it wasn't what he wanted to do. What he wanted to do was to make people think and so he pushed the envelope. The world always needs people like George Carlin.



Here are some famous Carlin quotes. Enjoy:




 


1. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

 

 

2. When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

 

 

3. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?



4. Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?



5. What if there were no hypothetical questions?



6. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

 

7. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.



8. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.



9. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?



10. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.



11. I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.



12. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.



13. There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.



14. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.



15. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

 

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, worn out and screaming "Woo-hoo"!!!
Nana_and_grandkids_minus_noah_max50

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Rate This | Posted about 1 year ago

 

DaMomb-I've always liked George Carlin, tho in his later years, he was a bit over the edge. Still, it was all in fun and did give you pause to think
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Rate This | Posted 6 months ago

 

We all need a good laugh

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