LADY'S YEARLY EXAM      I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics.   "How much do you weigh?" she asked  "135," I said     The nurse put me on the scale.It turns out my weight is 180.   The nurse asked, "Your height?"   "5 foot 4," I said.   The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2"   She then took my blood pressure and told me that it was very high."Of course it's high!" I screamed, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"   She put me on Prozac.

What a bitxx    

bumb bump

cute

very nice and funny.

 . My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

  I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

  Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

  I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

 Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

 . Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 

NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

 God must love stupid people; He made so many.

 The gene pool could use a little chlorine..

 Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

 Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

funny more more

funny stuff!

Laughter is very important to relieve stress.

That was too Funny!

 not sure if this is clean enough but, when i was in nursing school, i had a very, kind of uptight med-surg professor who was extremely smart but since it was her first semester teaching, i think she might have even been uncharacteristically uptight.  anyway, being an older student, and quite comfortable in my own skin, i would sometimes raise my hand, unafraid to ask questions or speak up in class.  well one day during lecture, we were going over the cranial nerves and this professor was explaining how cranial nerve X, the vagus nerve, ran all the way from the mouth to the anus...so i, of course, couldnt resist marveling at how that was the nerve that allowed people to talk out of their *****.   even the professor had to laugh at that one, although i was just musing outloud, i doubt anyone in the class will forget which cranial nerve is the vagus nerve.

TeresahRN says ...         OK

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No good?

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. 

Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.

"I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him:

"I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."

“The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.”

 A friend told me of her first day of clinicals when in nursing school.  she had a female patient who had just had a bed bath.  the patient's assigned nurse told the student nurse to go into the patients top bedside drawer and get the tube of moisturizer and to please put it on the patient.  the student went into the top drawer where there was only one tube in the drawer.  she gently and thoroughly rubbed to lotion on the patient's back, arms, legs and face.  a little while later, the patient called the student over to her bed and the patient whispered, "this lotion stings just a little".  the student nurse goes back into the drawer, gets the lotion and low and behold, written on the tube in small letters is VAGINAL CREAM!!!!!!!  the student nurse was mortified and raced down the hall to get a basin of warm water to give her patient a whole other bed bath to get the lotion off of the patient's body and face!!!!   now, that's a good, clean, laugh!

 my friend told me she was so anxious to do exactly what the nurse told her (being her very first clinical experience) she never second guessed the nurse or the lotion!  thank god it wasnt anything harmful.  my friend says she never slept that whole night...she was afraid of all the things that vaginal cream might have, could have done all over the patients face!!!!