We all get emails from our friends telling us all the things to watch out for, what not to do, and you must pass this on... this one was very funny.

Thanks to my friends, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel, I can not use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.  I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving is picking your nose.

Eating little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any women's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor or a public bathroom. Yuck!

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that need sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates?Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St Teresa novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat at KFC because chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink coca cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil water in a cup in the microwave because it will blow up in my face ...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to the shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I  no longer receive packages from UPS or Fedex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disquise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the salvation army.

O no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

The next President of the United States will end up being a Muslin sympathizer who will immediately hand over the country to Jihad extremists, or a women who will immediately hand over the country to her adulterer husband, or an old guy who will hand over the country to right wing extremists.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because brown African spiders are lurking under the seat and may bite me causing instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 154,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing hair and a hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother in laws second husbands cousin's beautician...

have a wonderful day, oh by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late

LOL I have received warnings on almost everything in this message at one time or another,

Have you gotten any other's let here them.

I agree Charlita, this was hilarious. I think I have received warnings on just about everything in this message too.

Thanks AbusyRN2go, for reminding us of everything we shouldn't do. LOL

 don't believe everything you read on the net most is BS

Oh, the hilarity! Good belly laugh from that one.

As a result, I'm staying in all day long since I didn't forward this. If a dove can't see you, it can't poop on you right? I don't need a camel hump, I already have a complex over my nose.

Dot forget someone in another country died and to get theit money the person needs ur checking account and they will give you some of that money if they can take your money out of your account