I'm finally dealing with something that I've seen many times.  My 83 yo Mother and 92 yo father, need to move from their home (500 miles from us) to be with us.  My mother is mostly mentally intact, albeit forgetful.   However she is physically frail due to a 30 y hx of NIDDM.  My father is oriented to person (usually),  place (usually, and not oriented to time, but he can tell you who is winning at NASCAR (LOL).  He is more physically robust than my mother.  However he is subject to very angry outbursts, because he can't seem to grasp ideas anymore.  I went down for 4 days, because my mother was hospitalized for cellulitis of the hand.  They have placed there house up for sale, and I was packing some of my mother's figurines (collectables), and my father had an absolute tantrum.  Screaming and cussing that I was a thief.  The more I tried to explain that it was OK and that she knew, the angrier he became, and I gave up packing.   My Mother needs care...her hand is going to require ongoing dressing changes for probably months.  There is no family locally, and most of their friends are elderly as well.  I Need to bring them here.   He said he is not leaving his home, until it is sold.  "someone might steal my things, that I've worked my whole life for".  He can't seem to grasp, that she needs immediate care or she might lose her hand.

I'm at a loss as what to do.  I'm alone in their care.  Do I have him declared incompetant?  How do  you do something like that?  My mother understands she needs care and wants to come immediately.  What do I do?  As my husband said, if you go forcing your dad into the car, he'll have an outburst and attack the driver...I can't get his doctor to understand that he needs behavior management.

My mother wants to come and be with us.  I suspect he has OBS/ALZ (H/O etoh abuse for approx 30 years) .  He is often charmingly confused at the dr's office, but my mother confessed to me that he has been having more outbursts, and although she is not afraid of him, I suspect that she should be.  He has some paranoid ideation (that she's cheating on him, that I was stealing his things, that my son was stealing his things).  4 years ago, my mother and I approached his doctor with his increasing outbursts, and he did nothing (no meds).  This doctor moved, and the second physician was approached by my mother, who hugged her and said "Do you have a friend that you can share this with and talk to about it, sometimes it helps to talk about it."  Again, no meds.  He has approached a family member who was visiting that he wanted to buy a gun (on several occasions) and wanted them to take him to a pawn shop.  They notified me.