Most of us have children (this is NOT just a step-child issue), and I was wondering if any of you have ideas on ways to positively promote challenges in life? 

How do we promote "NOT taking the easy way out" of everything, and let them know that sometimes working hard for something can be an awesome reward?

For example:  My step-son, who was previously in (EDGE) an advanced math course has decided he no longer wants to do this.  He says, "You only need two credits of math to graduate, and I already have mine, so I don't want to take any more math courses."  He's in a "standard" math course this year, but mostly because I put my foot down a bit last fall during class sign up.  He's only a sophomore this year.

I may be a bit harder on my own son, because I don't really give him too much of an option when it comes to school.  He has been told that each year he will be in a foreign language course, a math course, and a music course (of any sort be it band, choir, etc) as long as it's available.  Due to these guidlines, he is allowed to pick only one elective class.  He has been encouraged to participate in sports (as have the others, but to no avail...I realize that it's not for everyone though, and don't push this issue at all), and has taken part of track (last spring) and cross country this fall.  He thoroughly enjoyed them both, and I do believe that they have helped him improve in his academic standing (although he's always been at the top of his class). 

So without bribery, how can you encourage challenges?  How can you explain to kids these days that the easiest way to the means, is not necessarily the best? 

How can we as parents, change the primary focus of materialism to one of something of much more importance?  If you want the nicer car, go get a job, and work for it...if you want free money to go to college, work hard in high school to get the grades deserving of a scholarship, etc.

okay, so I recently read the article about the 11 year old suspended from school for wearing the "obama, a terrorist's best friend" t-shirt to school.  He was given the option to change it, and refused.  I think unfortunately that his parents are to blame, and put him up to expressing their political views, and lack of respect, but that of course, is only my opinion.  Below is an excerpt from an article written by a man named Charles Sykes...I think we should all have this posted on our refrigerators, and in our kids' bedrooms as parents.

              Some rules kids won't learn in school

                        Text By Charles J. Sykes


                   Printed in San Diego Union Tribune

                           September 19, 1996


Unfortunately, there are some things that children should be learning in

school, but don't. Not all of them have to do with academics. As a modest

back-to-school offering, here are some basic rules that may not have found

their way into the standard curriculum.


Rule No. 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses the

phrase, "It's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who

said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation

ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule

No. 1.


Rule No. 2: The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as much

as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you

feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated

self-esteem meets reality, kids complain it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)


Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school.

And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even

have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.


Rule No. 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He

doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's

not going to ask you how you feel about it.


Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grand-parents

had a different word of burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They

weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been

embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.


Rule No. 6: It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are

responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the

boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you

turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it, or you'll sound like a

baby boomer.


Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are

now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and

listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before

you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents'

generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.


Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life

hasn't. In some schools, they'll give you as many times as you want to get

the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class

valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone's feelings be hurt. Effort is as

important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance

to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4)


Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers

off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight

hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on.

While we're at it, very few jobs are interesting in fostering your

self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to

self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)


Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your

problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials.

In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs.

Your friends will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.


Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all

could.


Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic.

Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his

mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing

yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.


Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the

impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is

romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature

lately.


Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a

bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it

was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now.


You're welcome.

 

I'm not a believer in allowance...call me "old school", but I believe that kids should be expected to "help out" (do chores) around the house.  Now, if you were to go above and beyond, some monetary compensation would not be out of the question, but it's all a part of BEING family. 

Two of my three (the oldest and the youngest) teens have jobs.  They are required to save some, and they are not allowed to touch that portion...I compare it right now to "paying bills".  The oldest has a checking account (and has had for two years) so that she can see exactly what her spending habits are.  There is a time for a real job (whether it be babysitting dog walking, etc.), but the things done around the house are still a part of being a family...by the way I agree wholeheartedly with teaching kids the value of money, and how to be responsible with it...just not the giving it to them for being a contributing member of the family.

DaMomb says ...

I'm not a believer in allowance...call me "old school", but I believe that kids should be expected to "help out" (do chores) around the house.  Now, if you were to go above and beyond, some monetary compensation would not be out of the question, but it's all a part of BEING family. 

DaMomb you are right about being a part of the family but sometimes you have to make them understand to receive money they must first earn it.  Chores at home is the first step.  I can say this now because my kids are grown but I felt pretty much as you do and it has come back to haunt me.  My daughter does not understand the importance of working for what she wants and we are now trying to help her to understand.