My husbands daughter as most of you know ran away last year and came back pregnant. She gave birth in July to a beautiful baby boy. Well she had been coming around off and on mostly off. we tried to let her know that we would do anything for her and the baby. when the baby was born I asked her what she wanted the baby to call me. She said he would call me grandma since he would not know her mother who has not wanted anything to do with her for about 4 years. I was fine with that but would have been fine with just Laurie too if she had wanted that. Well she was going through one of her not coming around stages and we looked up her phone record (her dad pays for her phone) to find out the numbers of some of her boyfriends family so we could see how the baby was. Upon looking at the calls we saw that she had downloaded something that cost ten dollars and did not tell us. and that she had been calling and texting her mother the mother that deserted her. Well that really hurt my husband since she was ignoring him the man who raised her and would do anything for her. So he told me to text her and tell her we would be shutting off her phone if we did not hear from them soon. Well we heard through the boyfriends family that they said to go ahead and turn it off they didn't give a F__k. Well that really pissed my husband off so he tracked them down and got into it with the boyfriend and ended up slapping him. Now his daughter says she wants nothing to do with him and that he does not have a daughter or grandson. She tried to hurt me by saying I was not his grandma but I know I'm not so it didn't work. My husband is crushed but is not sorry for slapping him in fact he wishes he had punched him instead. The boyfriend is lazy, he won't keep a job and they were both on welfare until he got kicked off of it cause he wouldn't work the required 30 hours a month in order to keep it. We are worried that the baby will not have what he needs because they don't work. We have dropped off diapers and wipes and other gifts and we intend on continuing to do so. They may not want to see us him but we will make sure the baby has what he needs. Hopefully someday she will come around and come to her senses nad let us see the baby and her again. We have talked to the boyfirends family and they have agreed to keep us informed of the baby's welfare and how big he is getting. If at some point his daughter starts to refuse our gifts then I will give them to his family and they will give them to her.  any advice?

Laurie

Laurie,

I would probably do what you are doing. It is showing her that you care, even though right now she doesn't appreciate it. Ask the boyfriends parents to send pics as well, and possibly video's (DVD's). His parents may even try and talk some sense in to her, since she seems to talk to them? This is not the baby's fault he is in this situation, so if you have the means to help, continue. I wouldn't make it easy for her, but don't let the baby suffer. The boyfriend's parents may even be able to give you some insight as to what the baby needs, and what your step daughter has been saying about you and the things for the baby? Do shut off the phone if you haven't done so yet. She knows where to find you....and that $10 charge was probably a game she downloaded.

Good luck, Diane

upmcnurse says ...

My husbands daughter as most of you know ran away last year and came back pregnant. She gave birth in July to a beautiful baby boy. Well she had been coming around off and on mostly off. we tried to let her know that we would do anything for her and the baby. when the baby was born I asked her what she wanted the baby to call me. She said he would call me grandma since he would not know her mother who has not wanted anything to do with her for about 4 years. I was fine with that but would have been fine with just Laurie too if she had wanted that. Well she was going through one of her not coming around stages and we looked up her phone record (her dad pays for her phone) to find out the numbers of some of her boyfriends family so we could see how the baby was. Upon looking at the calls we saw that she had downloaded something that cost ten dollars and did not tell us. and that she had been calling and texting her mother the mother that deserted her. Well that really hurt my husband since she was ignoring him the man who raised her and would do anything for her. So he told me to text her and tell her we would be shutting off her phone if we did not hear from them soon. Well we heard through the boyfriends family that they said to go ahead and turn it off they didn't give a F__k. Well that really pissed my husband off so he tracked them down and got into it with the boyfriend and ended up slapping him. Now his daughter says she wants nothing to do with him and that he does not have a daughter or grandson. She tried to hurt me by saying I was not his grandma but I know I'm not so it didn't work. My husband is crushed but is not sorry for slapping him in fact he wishes he had punched him instead. The boyfriend is lazy, he won't keep a job and they were both on welfare until he got kicked off of it cause he wouldn't work the required 30 hours a month in order to keep it. We are worried that the baby will not have what he needs because they don't work. We have dropped off diapers and wipes and other gifts and we intend on continuing to do so. They may not want to see us him but we will make sure the baby has what he needs. Hopefully someday she will come around and come to her senses nad let us see the baby and her again. We have talked to the boyfirends family and they have agreed to keep us informed of the baby's welfare and how big he is getting. If at some point his daughter starts to refuse our gifts then I will give them to his family and they will give them to her.  any advice?

Laurie

I know that this will be hard but stop making her life easier by supporting the baby.  I know that this isn't his fault but if she has to worry about simple things like diapers and gifts it should make her aware of all that you have tried to do for the baby.

Laurie,

when that boy walks away from her, y'all won't be doing anything for them, even though its for the baby, it's still for them.  When she gets sick of having nothing and nobody wants to do anything for her, she'll come back.  When she does,  you don't make up for lost time and buy, buy, buy, she will go back to being self-centered.  If she is old enough to have a baby, she can buy it what it needs and also pay for the phone.  I KNOW that this is hard.  It works though....