What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of aMacy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.

 What type of bra?' asked the clerk. Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?

Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to 
choose from.

Relieved, the man asked about the types

The saleslady replied: There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.


Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright

The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...

{B} Barely there.

{C} Can't Complain!

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double dang!

{E} Enormous!

{F} Fake.

{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.

Holtzemfromfloppen

Cute!

 Little Johnny's impressionable mind...

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying " Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up" After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said "do you think you are stupid"? No ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that mommy"? To make myself beautiful, said the mother, who began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter, asked johnny, giving up?

The math teacher saw Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called him and said, Johnny! What are 7 and 6 and 3 and 50? Johnny quickly replied " NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to the police station, they saw a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One youngster pointed to a picture and asked if it was the photo of a wanted person. Yes replied to police man. The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked "Why did you not keep him when you took his picture!

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He was watching his father move from horse to horse running his hands up and down the horses legs and rump and chest. After a few minutes Johnny asked "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I am buying horses, I have to make sure they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny looked worried, said "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy mom.

  I love this one, I am rolling on the floor!

 Very funny again I will try and find a few to post here

AbusyRN2go says ...

 A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments.  He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.  One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

 
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in he looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform.  I'll give you exactly 15 minutes.'  The lecture room fell silent.  You could hear a pin drop. 
 
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God.  I'm still waiting.'  It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform.  The professor was out cold. 
 
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.  The other students were shocked, stunned, and sat there looking on in silence.  The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the heck is the matter with you?  Why did you do that?'  The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot.  So, He sent me.'

Amen!

 WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.  

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.  

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

 Surgery

Five Surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to Operate on. The first surgeon says: I like to see accountants on my operating Table because when I open them up, everything inside is numbered.

The second responds: 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.

The third surgeon says: 'No, I really think librarians are the best; Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The fourth surgeon chimes in: 'You know, I like construction Workers …. those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:  'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine . Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable

Sorry I do not remember them all completely only parts of jokes too old I think

 A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before  Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;  forty-five years of misery is enough".  "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other  any longer,"   the father says. "We're sick of each other, and  I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister  in Chicago and tell her".  Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.  "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"  She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father,  "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single  thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back,  and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't  do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.  The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.  "Okay," he says, "they're coming forThanksgiving and paying their own way."

this actually happened to a girl in my clinical class:

She went in to check on her patient who has on an oxygen mask, she asks him how it is going and through the mask he says, "are my testicles black?"  well, she returns with the infamous student nurse answer, "umm, let me get YOUR RN."  She gets the RN, they both go in and the RN asks what it is he needs. He replies (through the mask), "are my testicles black?"  The RN: "well.... umm...would you like me to check?"  Man: "uh, yes" (like duh!)   So the RN starts to lift his gown and peek underneath, the man rips his O2 mask off and says, "what on earth are you doin!?!?!"   RN(embarrassed): "What was it you needed?"   Man: "I said...are my TEST RESULTS BACK!!!"

  POOF , THE LIGHT GOES OFF
 A 76-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'Harry, everything looks great.  How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?' 

Harry replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the  bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off.' 

'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says. A little later in the day,  the doctor calls Harry's wife. 'Ethel,' he says, 'Harry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.  Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes  ; on in the bathroom, and when he' s done, poof! the light goes off?' 

'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!  

 That was funny I don't care WHO you are. lol

I love the poof one! LOL!!!!!!!! reminded me of some not so pleasant dorm mate momories! Ahhh

 It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.


As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.


He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?   
'Heavens no, we bought it.'
'Then why don't you drive it away.'    
We can't drive.'
Then why did you buy it?'  
 'We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ...so   we're just waiting.