Everything Nurses >> Nursing Humor >> More Funny Jokes...
More Funny Jokes...
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| Posted 10 months ago
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| Posted 10 months ago COP STORY A patrolman pulls a woman over. Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Woman: Lost it four times for drunk driving. Officer: Can I see your vehicle registration papers please? Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the woman and a senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his drawn gun. Officer two: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer two: The officer told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer two: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer two: Is this your car, ma'am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer two: The officer claims that you do not have a driver's license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer two: I must admit, ma'am, that I'm confused; the other officer told me you didn't have a license, you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner. Woman: I suppose he told you I was speeding, too. A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 10 months ago That was great! My Husband (a deputy) got a kick out of that one! |
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| Posted 10 months ago 158 years ago...
Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago?
California became a state. The State had no electricity. The State had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically, it was just like California today; except the
women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.
A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 10 months ago LOL, this is funny b/c it is so true, thanks Pat! I will try to find some funnies too, just as funny as yours -Angela--'--,--{@ |
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| Posted 10 months ago A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely nude they noticed her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, ‘Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had to mow the lawn.’ -Angela--'--,--{@ |
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| Posted 10 months ago
A couple had only been married for two weeks the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife “I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to he refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know...they have frozen Glasses... "He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,! "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, and pizza rounds. "But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that... "You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?" And, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story? A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 10 months ago Very sweet story! I love it -Angela--'--,--{@ |
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| Posted 10 months ago Labor Pains -Angela--'--,--{@ |
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| Posted 10 months ago
Cell phone joke
A group of men are sitting in a sauna discussing business and stocks when suddenly a cellular phone rings.
"Hi honey, are you at the club?"
"Yes, dear."
"Honey you won't believe this but I'm standing in front of Giovannis and there's a beautiful mink on sale in the window."
"How much is it, dear?"
"They're giving it away. Only $5000. Can you believe it?"
"But you already have fur coats?"
"Please dear it's absolutely exquisite!"
"Fine, fine go ahead and buy it!"
"Thank you sweetheart. Oh, not to keep you much longer, I passed by the Mercedes dealership this morning and saw their new convertible. It was to die for! I talked to the salesman and the one in the showroom is brand new, leather seats, power everything, gold colored. What do you think??"
"Honey, come on, we already have cars!"
"You promised me that I could get a convertible!"
"How much is it?"
"You won't believe it but he said he'd let us have it for $85,000 fully loaded with all the options!!!"
"OK, OK, go ahead and purchase it!"
"I love you, you're the best husband a wife could ask for. I hope I'm not pushing it, but remember our trip we took to Paris? Remember the Brown's place with the swimming pool, tennis courts? It's on the market to be sold. I saw it this morning at the Real Estate agency. If we bought it we would have a perfect place to stay during the cold winter months!!!"
"I had actually thought about it. You say it's on the market?"
"Really, you were actually thinking about it? Can I go make an offer on it? You know it's not listed very high, and It would be perfect for our type of lifestyle!!"
"How much is it listed at?"
"Only $425,000 sweetheart. It's a steal!"
"I guess we've got money put away. Go ahead and make an offer but no more than $415,000."
"This is turning out to be a great day! Can't wait to see you later tonight to celebrate!!!"
"See you tonight dear."
The man hangs up the cellular phone and asks, "So, who's phone is this?"
Nursing it's how I live my life..... |
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| Posted 10 months ago Very funny! A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 10 months ago
Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on.'" She did and said, "These are too big, I can't wear them." I replied, "Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will." "Ever since that night we never had any problems." "Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here - try these on." She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me." Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here-you try on mine." He did and said, "I can't get into your pants." Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will." And they lived happily ever after. A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 10 months ago
NEVER CHOKE IN A SOUTHERN RESTAURANT
Two hillbillies Ed and Red walk into a bar. While having a shot of
whiskey,
they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a
nearby table,
who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it
becomes
apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick
with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the
bar.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick
Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!" =============
Nursing it's how I live my life..... |
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| Posted 10 months ago Very funny these are way funny |
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| Posted 10 months ago
'Holy Prostitutes'
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.... Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS He climbs the steps and rings the! bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?' He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....' 'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.' He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.' He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign: GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 10 months ago one day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing. A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 10 months ago This is so cool we all need this in r life. |
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| Posted 10 months ago My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 9 months ago STUD ROOSTER
A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 9 months ago
Subject: Wal Mart Job Application
This could be me in a few short years....and maybe you, too! Your smile for the day. This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny.........you gotta love it!!! NAME: George Martin SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one that will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. *** Old People Rock! ***
Nursing it's how I live my life..... |
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| Posted 9 months ago From out of Nowhere This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitch-hiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm.
Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.
Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain.
It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door;
only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.
Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out,
he started to pray and begging for his life. He was sure the ghost car would go off the road and
in the swamp and he would surely drown! But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window
and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend.
Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again!
Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve.
Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.
Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey,
then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps
when they realized the guy was telling the truth and not just some drunk.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other,
"Look Toivo, der's dat idiot dat rode in our car when we wuz pushin' it in da rain."
Nursing it's how I live my life..... |
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| Posted 9 months ago
Football FINALLY makes sense.......... >> > >> > A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. >> > They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the >> > game, he asked her how she liked the experience. >> > >> > "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants >> > and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they >> > were killing each other over 25 cents." >> > Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" >> > "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest >> > of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! >>Get >> > the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!" > Nursing it's how I live my life..... |
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| Posted 9 months ago This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart: Dear Mrs. Samsel, A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 9 months ago that was funny I don't care WHO you are lol A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 9 months ago California Women A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 9 months ago
A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 9 months ago Sunday Morning 11 AM
In a hospital???s Intensive Care Unit, patients were dying in the same bed every Sunday morning at 11a.m, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 AM. So a world-wide expert team was contaced and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. On the next Sunday morning a few minutes before 11 a.m. all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil. Just then the clock struck 11??? And then?????? Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner. Laughter can reflect inward joy and happiness. There is a time to laugh and its good for the soul. ~Man is basically kind... |
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| Posted 8 months ago Subject: Personal Ads A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70’s), A busy RN is here |
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| Posted 8 months ago Yes, I'm convinced that the old man must had been very good in bed. LOL! Laughter can reflect inward joy and happiness. There is a time to laugh and its good for the soul. ~Man is basically kind... |
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| Posted 8 months ago REPLACEMENT WINDOWS
A busy RN is here |




