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Other clean jokes
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Posted over 4 years ago A state trooper sees a vehicle on the interstate doing 33 miles an hour and pulls the car to make sure everything is all right. When he approaches the driver he discovers that it is a nun. Redneck I is...but bigot I taint! |
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| Posted over 4 years ago This blonde nurse sends her son back into the store to get the milk that she forgot. She was sitting in her car on a hot day waiting. All of a sudden a loud POP. Yes she was shot from behind. She reaches behind her head to feel her brains oozing out. She does not panic. She calls 911 on her cell. She will stay alive no matter what. She holds her brains in place to the back of her head to keep them intact as possible until the EMT's come. They arrive she screams for help. They come to her and ask, "Hey lady why are you holding that blob of dough to the back o your head." The POP was the container that held the cookie dough in. The heat made the container burst open causing the noise and a hunk of cookie dough to strike her in the back of the head. A True Story Or Not? Who Are We To Judge? Could of happened to anyone of us. Joni |
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| Posted over 4 years ago Three geriatric ladies were discussing the problems of aging.................... The first say, "Today, I found myself standing in front of the refridgerator with the mayonaise jar in my hand, I could not remember if I need to make a sandwhich or put it away. The second says, "I know what you mean, sometimes I find myself at the bottom of the stairs, I cannot remember if I need to go up or if I have just come down. The third say, "I am sure glad I don't have any of those problems, knock on wood" (as she knocks on the wooden table), "There is someone at the door, I'll get it." Redneck I is...but bigot I taint! |
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| Posted over 4 years ago Blonde joke: One afternoon, a blonde saw a fire in her wastebasket. She quickly doused it out, but called the fire department anyway. The blonde insisted that the fire that was out, but the 911 operator said, "We're sending a firetruck anyway. How do we get to your house?" "DUH, BIG RED TRUCK!!" said the blonde. |
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| Posted over 4 years ago These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Redneck I is...but bigot I taint! |
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461 posts back to top |
| Posted over 4 years ago Gale-force winds and frigid temperatures had taken their toll. Snapped electric wires were sparking and snaking about the snowdrifts. A rookie foot patrolman was assigned to a desolate intersection to provide security at the scene of a downed wire. It was 12:40 a.m. and 19 degrees when he relieved the initial guardian of this dangerous area. The offgoing officer pointed out the thin line swinging ferociously from the main electric circuit, as he entered the squad car for his return to warmth. The rookie pulled his coat collar up to his earmuffs and took up his position to protect the public. Finally, at 5:40 a.m., a utility truck arrived. The linemen checked the wires, then, laughing, descended toward the frozen officer and said, "you did a great job guarding a run away kite whose string was cought up in the power lines. Redneck I is...but bigot I taint! |
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| Posted over 4 years ago cute A busy RN is here |
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| Posted over 4 years ago "The Night Before Christmas - Texas Style" T'was the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know. When all of a sudden, from out of the still night, The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will, The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red, As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke, When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws, Redneck I is...but bigot I taint! |
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| Posted over 4 years ago A rope walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says, "I do not serve ropes in here." The rope leaves and runs into someone entering the bar and tells the man his situation. The man said we can change you not to look like a rope. He then ties the ropes end into a big knot and frays it. The rope goes back into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says,"arn't you the rope that I just said no to?" The rope replied," No sir I am a frayednot." |
