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You know your a nurse when or if :
- you wish the front of your scrubs could read "Nurses...here to save you a**, not kiss it"
- you believe that all the patient needs is some vitamin A (ativan)
- you've ever ran out of linens, syringes, IV fluid, meds and patience all at the same time.
- you ever felt like your a Gastroenterologist.....because you work with a**holes.
- it is as BAD as you think and the patients ARE out to get you.
- you feel the earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
- you do the "only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell" happy dance.
- when you need money, your shift is cancelled:....when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime.
- you believe sick people don't *itch
- you believe when dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
- you believe if the child is quiet, be scared.
- you believe you can't cure stupid.
- you believe there is no such thing as a "textbook case"
- you believe in the underwear theory of charting: Keep your behind covered.
- you have seen more "moons" than the Hubble telescope.
- you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
- you never get into an argument with an idiot, because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
- you no longer have a gag reflex.
- you believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- you believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard and it could use a little chlorine.
- you believe experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
- you think pizza, cookies and diet coke make a balanced meal.
- you tell cops where to go without fear!
- you can only tell time with a 24-hour clock.
- you believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
- you believe that no matter how much you care, some people are just a**holes.
- you wash your hands before and after going to the bathroom.
- you believe old nurses never die, they just go PRN.
- you call some of your co-workers "Flowers in the Field of Medicine" because they're bloomin' idiots.
- everything only happens all at once.
- you look in your closet and can't find anything non-medical to wear.
- you don't have enough ego hypertrophy to be a surgeon.
- anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you obviously don't understand the situation.
- everyone gets treated exactly the same - - - until they **** you off.
- the ER is a mixture of can do, can't do and why the hell not!
- you believe in a diagnosis of acute Haldolpenia.
- you have placed your irritating patients/family members on P.I.T.A. (Pain In The A**) precautions.
- you know it's a full moon without having to look at the sky.
- you can identify the "PID Shuffle" and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 15 feet.
- you've ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, a lip ring and 12 earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots".
- you automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily.
- you can keep a straight face when a patient responds, "Just two beers"
- your idea of a meal break is finishing your coffee before it gets cold.
- you think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status.
- you've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.
- you believe unspeakable evils will befall you if the word 'quiet' is uttered.
- you believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.
- you believe you have patients who are demonically possessed.
- you have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
- your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat.
- you believe chocolate is a food group.
- you don't believe 90% of what you're told, and 75% of what you see.
- you have discovered new conditions called "Hypo-Xanax-emia" and "Hypo-Lortab-emia"
- you've ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, "I don't know how that got stuck in there"
- you have ever restrained someone.....and it wasn't a sexual experience.
- you have recurrent nightmares of being hit and run over by the portable x-ray machine.
You know your a night nurse when:
- you are willing to beg, borrow, or steal not to work the night daylight saving time goes into effect.
- you want to throttle anyone that states: Night shift must be so boring, all the patients do is sleep.
- your most common assessment question at 2 am is "Why is this an emergency now?"
Nursing it's how I live my life.....
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ROFLMAO!! I can relate to sssoooo many of these!