A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day, she wasn't there, and the next day, she was.
She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude. I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.
If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough.
I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later it's all gone. I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. She needs it. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate - especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. I can't seem to keep that stuff in the house anymore. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.
For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. this is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized. She also fiddles with my VCR so it does not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed.
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do, and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She has done other things - like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?
She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me. - originally submitted as source unknown but actually from Patsy Clairmont's book NORMAL IS JUST A SETTING ON YOUR DRYER

Has an old man showed up at your house?

I noticed his presence a couple of years ago. He started leaving his hair in my drain. And sometimes when I go into the bathroom after him , well I don't need to describe the smells. And it is funny all my t-shirts smell like my Dad.

when I look in the mirror, I see my mother!

That was so funny cdnurse. I was laughing at the whole entire story. I sometimes see that old lady trying to come in my house, I fight her ever step of the way. I going down fighting~~~~~~.

Cuttie, just be careful, that old woman brings gravity with her.

cdnurse - I love that story! I just came from a short visit with my parents - both in their 80's. My mom looked older to me than before. Dad was his usual pasty self, but mom's arms looked older. Her face still looks like she's in her 60's but the rest of her seemed older.
There is a wonderful book out there called "The Girls With the Grandmother Faces". Don't remember the author, but you might find it somewhere.

Gretchen, when I was in school I was older than a couple of the profs. The nursing staff would sometimes come tell me about another student. IOnce, I just said "Okay, thanks for letting me know" and went on. Never told anyone that before. Gretchen my question is when in the Hell did the doctors get so young? I told my doctor I would hit him if he just one more time used the phrase "as we get older. . . blah, blah, blah"

I saw her once, she followed me around the house as I was cleaning, I went outside to sweep the back porch and she came out too, so I went inside quick like a rabbit and shut the door. I haven's seen her since. ;)

That was pretty funny.

i too am a victim of the double whammy, short and old - my boys pat me on the head

Sooo funny!!! What I hate is Arthur moved into my house!! He doesn't pay rent either!! Seems like he could be quieter too! All that grinding and creaking, esp first thing in the morning!!

Some women are lucky enough to have four boy friends when they are older:

every morning I get up with Will Power. Then I go for a walk with Arthur Itis. I come home with Charlie Horse. Then I go to bed with my favorite...Ben Gay."

from A 4th Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1997 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Hanoch McCarty & Meladee McCarty