Hello everyone,

I am writing this because I don't have a vent.

People find me a jolly person with a sense of humor but behind all this I am only trying to mask a very sad lady.

I am actually depressed. This afternoon I had a suicidal thoughts. My mind can't think of any because I'm so depressed. I can't a friend who works in Kaiser for advice but it didn't help at all. I failed the NCLEX last month but that is not the reason. I failed the NCLEX because I am depressed. I am very unhappy with my marriage. My husband threaten me he would divorce me, it scared me to death. Most of the time I cried so loud inside the closet when I am alone at home. I had no one to talk to. Im not crazy just very sad. I don't know what to do.

 I guess you are not on here. I hope you are okay. You have very little identifying information on your profile. Let us know that you are okay. Call for some help. If you do live where your profile states you do, go to this address for more information:

http://www.westsiderc.org/f/r_csa.htm

 I sent you a message so please answer it as soon as you read it, privately, you are not alone

BiPAP...you REALLY do need to seek medical help. You may think you're ok, but you aren't. Please take the advice cdnurse gave you and get help. AbusyRN2go said she left you a message, did you respond? I'm sure she will have good advice as well. Keep us informed!

BiPap,

I hope that you are okay.  I am sorry you are going through this alone.  Please seek help, get a counselor or call a crisis hotline.  And please post so we know you are okay.  We are here for you.  Please take care and keep us posted.

Hugs  Shell

WE are ALL here for you.  We stick together on nursing link.  There are some super people on here.  CDNurse is the best.  She can pull anyone through anything.  Talk to her

Make sure you help your self.! You deserve help. You really do. You can do it! Good luck to you. Your post about makes me cry. I remember feeling suicidal and all sorts of bad memories. Just trust me, you are worth something in this life.

BiPAP, do get help.  Depression is something you don't need to try to battle alone.  Get medical help, and find a counselor who can help you find what is making you blue, whether it's by his/her help or just by making you sit and think about life.  I went through a spell a couple years ago myself, have been through several really, and finally started seeing a therapist who asked a lot of questions and helped lead me to figure out for myself what was really going on, not exactly through those sessions but in my own thinking about the sessions later on.  Depression will effect all aspects of your life, and it's very hard to find a way out by yourself.  Medication can help, and don't be afraid to let the doctor prescribing it know if you have side effects that trouble you.  Also, you may want to check into having your hormone levels checked, because sometimes depression can be caused by imbalances.  You might want to check into finding out if you have a family history of depression as well.

Know that you have a network of friends waiting to help you, and use them.  Sometimes just knowing that other people out there have gone through what you're going through now helps out tremendously.  If it weren't for the coworkers I have, I don't know what I'd do.  I'm currently in the middle of a divorce (his idea), have two children ages 5 and 10, work full-time, attend school full-time trying to get my RN, and moved out by myself this past January.  I've never been on my own before this, and it's scary and overwhelming with everything else right now.  I'd probably have a breakdown if I had time, but I don't, so instead I'm trying to focus on my goals I've set.  I no longer try to smile to cover up my emotions, and knowing that I'm being more honest with others in that way helps a bit.

Depression is real.  It hurts I know....personally.  I have been through several periods of depression where I didn't think I would make it, but talking with someone helps and meds can help too.  You don't have to be afraid or embarrassed to seek help.  We all love you here on the link and will do whatever we can to help you...please call me or email me if you want....I am praying for you.  Please let us know how you are doing okay

I also sent you an email! Depression this deep does not resolve on its own. Family and Friends are the last people I would suggest getting help from or venting to them. You need to talk to an unbiased Professional!  Sometimes this profession can get you down and we need help! We in the healthcare field are usually the last ones to ask for help! Depression can cause you to forget and stress you out!  By seeking professional help for your depression which might require temporary or permanent meds it will improve your memory which will help you the next time you take your NCLEX boards. I am not alone when I say "I will be praying you seek help and find comfort and peace from your depression and that ALL of your knowledge will return to you during your next exam and you will do well!"

BiPAP

Hope all is well ..

*****Sending you HUGS and KISSES,

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox