Nurse Saying - "You Might Be a Nurse If..."

*You can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning.


*You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine.


*You can´t see it; it´s probably not there.


*Your sense of humor seems to get more warped each year.


*You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation.


*You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven´t fallen asleep yet.


*You believe that if warm wine enemas were routinely ordered, patient complaints would greatly decrease.


*You call some of your co-workers "Flowers in the Field of Medicine" because they´re bloomin´ idiots.


*You hope there´s a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.


*You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead.


*You believe experience is something you don´t get until just after you need it.


*You see stress as a normal way of life.


*You have a tendency to laugh at your patient´s "big" problems.


*You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.


*You believe the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.


*You´ve ever thought, "Patients, God love ´em, because today, I sure don´t!"


*Everything only happens all at once.


*You have more T-shirts that say, "Love a nurse PRN" than plain T-shirts.


*You´ve ever referred to other nurses as "Band-Aid Bunnies."


*You´ve ever been telling work stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw-up.


*You write a patient report and have to translate it to medical records because of all the acronyms in it.


*You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse.


*You look in your closet and can´t find anything non-medical to wear.


*You´ve ever told anyone in pain to "stop being a baby and deal with it."


*You have a patient in four-point leathers that asks if you´re a nurse, you reply "Yes", and walk away.


*You´ve ever told a patient to "stop faking it."


*You believe all bleeding stops...eventually.


*You don´t get excited about blood loss unless it´s your own.


*You don´t hit patients or doctors....unless absolutely necessary.


*You believe the pain will go away when it stops hurting.


*Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong and if nothing has gone wrong, you´ve obviously don´t understand the situation.


*You believe if you can keep your head among all this confusion, you obviously don´t understand the situation.


*You´ve ever said, "Why am I here?"


*If you believe if a patient who has a catheter, he needs it.


*Everyone gets treated exactly the same...until they piss you off.


*When you get a call telling you the name of your next admit and you can do the care plan before the patient gets to the floor.


*When called for orders, the MD says, "Write them yourself; you know the patient better than I do."


*You´ve ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is an emergency.


*Ever rolled your eyes when the 14 year-old says, "No, I´ve never had sex."


*You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors.


*You can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand, and it doesn´t bother you.


*You believe Tylenol, Advil, or Excedrin provides a large part of your daily calorie intake requirements.


*You´ve ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone´s vein and said, "Now you're going to feel a little stick."


*You can identify the "PID Shuffle" and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 15 feet.


*You´ve ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings say, "I´m afraid of shots."


*You´ve ever thought, "As long as he´s got a pulse, I don´t care about the rhythm."


*You think the ultimate cruel joke is get someone drunk, take them to the ER and tell them he OD´d on "some kind of pills."


*You automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily.


*You can keep a straight face when a patient responds, "Just two beers."


*You feel that if someone is shot or stabbed, they probably deserved it.


*You stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth to cough.


*You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status.


*You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.


*You have encouraged obnoxious patients to sign out AMA.


*You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.


*Your most common assessment question at 2 a.m. is "Why is this an emergency now?"


*You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.


*You don´t believe 90% of what you´re told, and 75% of what you see.


*You firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.


*You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.


*You believe a book entitled "Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time" will be your next project.


*You believe a good tape job will fix anything.


*You´ve ever had a patient look you dead in the eye and say, "I don´t know how that got stuck in there."


*You have ever had a patient say, "I´m not pregnant, I can´t be pregnant! I can´t be having a baby!"


*You have a special shrine in your home to the inventor of Haldol.


*You can think of another 200 examples of "You Might Be a Nurse If..."

I joke with my friends all the time.  My next project will be "Suicide for Dummies."  Oh the joys of ICU and ER nursing.

You might be a nurse if:

Your idea of fun is a code at the shift change;

Eating popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly normal; (I've never tried this one)

this is awesome.  I can totally relate as having worked in the ER

Love it!

These are great. I like the one about the piercings and they're afraid of shots. Classic!

Wow that would be great!  And it couldn't be charged to their insurance.  Bet the whole "Oh, did  I hit the call bell Sorry didn't mean to"  would come to a halt very very quick!!

I've only been a nurse for a little over a year, and I already relate to half that list!!! Is this good or bad!  LOL. Happy nursing everyone.

you might be a nurse if you have urinals colored green and red for christmas decorations

you might be a nurse if you use gloves for Ices packs

you might be a nurse if you give gloves for birthday presants

MY SPELLING IS BAD SORRY

You might be a nurse if you have never bought alcohol swabs because you always have @ least 10 in your pocket when you come home every day.

These are awesome, CherylF you have some good ones too!

CherylF says ...

You might be a nurse if you have never bought alcohol swabs because you always have @ least 10 in your pocket when you come home every day.

You must be fling yourself into it! Wow,awesome.

You watch a medical TV drama and go, "oh bullshilt" at everything they do.

These are great, y'all! I'm ROFLMAO!

if you describe a co worker as having fecal impaction of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth!

Laughter ia good medicine and these are good.Must be a nurse.. in a hurry because of on call driving to work when you realize that you 2 different kinds of tennis shoes on..ooops!!!