It was exactly one year ago that my mom died unexpectantly. She was 80 yrs. old. Some would say she had a long life. But to those of us who loved her, it was not long enough. She had suffered a stroke about 4 years ago and had recovered from it except for not being able to get around on her own. She was doing pretty good until 2 weeks before she passed away. She suddenly became very weak and could not ambulate at all. Her thinking was somewhat muddled too. It became clear to us that something was wrong and we made an appointment for her to be seen by her MD. She died before that could take place. Let me just say that my mom and I never really got along. She has never really understood anything I've tried to do but she was always there if I needed her. I would have to say she was a selfish person, putting her needs before everyone elses. After the stroke, her personality changed. She was almost childlike-very loving, funny and kind. I 'm ashamed to admit that this was the mother I had always wanted. We became very close after that. In the two weeks before she died, my sister and I would take turns staying with her and those are some of the times I will always cherish. She was outspoken and said anything that came into her mind. She would make me laugh so hard. She had become very needy. This from a woman who been fiercely indepent all her life. One day I commented on her neediness. I said jokingly "You don't pay me enough to do this". She replied "And you're worth every penny I pay you!". Two weeks into her weakened condition. my stepfather found her sitting on the floor beside the bed. He been running errands and didn't know how long she had been there. She didn't appear hurt, but was confused. An ambulance was called and she was taken to the hospital where they ran all sorts of tests but couldn't seem to find anything wrong. Her thinking cleared up and they decided to keep her overnight for observation. At least this was the impression we had. On transporting her to her room I noted unusual EKG readings and saw that she was admitted to the cardiac unit. No one had mentioned anything about this to us. I helped her get settled and she was joking like usual. When I left her that night, I thought she was just tired and would problbly be released in the am. I told my sister to ask the MD about the EKG. I won't go into everything that took place after her admission. She was admitted late Friday night. Being a weekend, some tests were ordered but the MD felt they could wait until Monday. So nothing was really done. She quickly went from bad to worse. She was seen by numerous MDs .She was experiencing kidney failure and in my opinion failure to thrive at an alarming rate. When she had become weakened, my sister and I had discussed placing her in a nursing home She had become too much for mystepfather to handle even with my sister and I helping . She had become depressed and adamant about not wanting to go to a nursing home. I think she just gave up. One thing happened after another and she was put in ICU where we were finally told she had a heart attack. By this time, her condition was rapidly deteriating, she was extremely uncomfortable and barely conscious.They were constantly doing something with her. She was admitted to the hospital on Friday and she died that Monday. We were all in shock. We had been talking about a nursing home and now we were planning a funeral. I have been in a fog for most of the past year only recently coming out of it like a turtle sticking it's head out to test the waters. and then quickly pulling it back inside . I never thought I would miss her this much. Sometimes I want to ask her something that only she could answer. Sometimes I want to pick up the phone and talk to her so bad. It seems that if I would go to her house now, I would find her sitting in her favorite chair waiting for me. My sister read somewhere that it takes at least one yr. and 1 day to grieve over a loved one. One year and 1 day because of all the anniversaries and holidays that come without her there-anniversary of her death( that's the one day) her birthday, my birthday, Mother's day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and so on. Life will never be the same without her in it. Sorry that this is so long. I felt I needed to vent. Thanks for giving me a place to do that.

LetsPlayNurse: thanks so much -I didn't really expect that anyone would read this-it just helped to get it all out. For a long time I was angry and wanted to obtain the hospital records to find out just what did actually happen. But it doesn't seem to matter that much anymore. She's gone and nothing will bring her back. I think it was her time. She was ready. We just weren't.

ctrum6414: Sorry for your loss as well. Your wound is still fresh. Everyone says it takes time, It does. For some, more than for others. My daughter died at age 4. That was 36 yrs. ago and I still mourn her loss. Her death left a big hole in my heart that nothing else can fill. But there does come a time when your feelings are not so raw and exposed-when you don't think of them constantly every minute of every day. There will always be something you see or hear that will remind you of them.And you don't want to ever forget them. Sometimes life seems to make no sense to me at all. The older I get, it seems the less I know. Take care!

I was that way about my mother's house. I didn't want to see it sold. I would go there and just hang out and all her things were there just like she left them-. It seemed like she had just stepped out for a moment and would be right back. It sold fairly quickly and I just wasn't ready to let go. It seemed like, as long as it was there, I still had a piece of her with me. My sister, who is the practical one(an accountant) finally convinced me we needed to sell it. I still feel like if I went back there now, she'd be there. It's hard. Just when I was starting to feel alittle better, the anniversary of her death came around and I was back where I was 6 months ago. The upcoming holidays are going to be hard as well. We just have to take one day at a time and try to get thru them the best that we can.

I'm so sorry for your losses, I too lost my daughter this March. She was 31. The holidays will come and go, just like the other days, we only need to do what we are comfortable doing, buying a gift for our loved one or in their honor and giving it to someone in need, hanging the loved ones stocking, setting a place at the table, lighting a candle...etc... Compassionate Friends help alot with loss of children, and they have a candle lighting ceramony...nation wide, Dec 9th 7pm.......Sometimes it's a minute at a time, I can't face the whole day at once. I love and miss her soooo very much. I am honered, proud and very blessed to have her as my daughter!! God bless you as we go thru this journey of loss together. We never have to walk alone.

Thank you so very much...you all will be in mine as well......