1. A couple was celebrating 50 years of marriage and they never had a fight. Everybody was very interested in how they did it.

-It is very simple, says the wife. It all started in our honeymoon when we went to the mountains and we took a couple of donkeys to carry us to the top. My husband's donkey tripped and my husband fell. But my husband said in a very calm voice" this is first". After a while the donkey tripped again and my husband fell but in a very calm voice said " this is second". When the donkey tripped again, my husband got up, took out the gun and killed the donkey. I started yelling, I called my husband all the bad names sayind that he needs to see a psychiatrist and all he said was " this is first". We never faught since then.

2. At a physics exam, the professor is upset and tired and not in the mood to examine the students, who happen to be all girls. When the first student comes in he says:

- You are in train and it is very hot. What are you going to do?

- I am opening the window, says the student happy that the question was so easy.

-OK, then calculate the speed of the air that is coming in, the atmospheric pressure, outside temperature,.....

She couldn't do it and she fails. The same thing happens to the second one. Then the third one comes in and the professor again:

-Miss, you are in a train and is very hot. What are you going to do?

- I take off my blouse, says the girl.

- Still, it is very hot. What next?

- I'll take off my pants, replies the student.

-No improvement, it is still hot, says the professor.

- Then I'll take off all my clothes, says the girl.

The professor is not giving up saying:

-It's still hot.

- Well professor, I'll have sex with every man on that train but I am not opening that damn window.

3. Ladies and Gentlemen!, says the pilot, Our plane is going to crash so put on your life vests and the lotion for the sharks.

- Does this mean the sharks won't eat us?, a pasanger asks.

- Ohh yes they will, but they won't enjoy it.