YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED TOO LONG

  
  
Wife:         Honey...... What are You Looking for?

Husband:  Nothing.

Wife:         Nothing....?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??

Husband:  I was just looking for the expiration date.


               **********   


Wife :           Do you want dinner?

Husband :    Sure, what are my choices?

Wife :           Yes and no.     
  

              **********   


Wife:  You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office.  Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife:  You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'  


               **********     


A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?'   
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor.'   


                **********   


The Silent Fart   


An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through, she leaned over and whispered To her husband, 'I just let out a long silent fart. What Do you think I should do?'

He replied, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

Husband: Baby, how long have we've been together?

Wife: 19 years.

Husband: You mean to tell me I've been with the same woman for 19 years?!