The IRS decides to audit Jim, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Jim shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment,

which you explain by saying that you win money gambling.

I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Jim. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Jim says,

"I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a

moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Jim removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Jim says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other

eye. "The auditor can tell Jim isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Jim removes his

dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Jim's

attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Jim asks. "I'll bet you six thousand

dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the

other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is

cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage

that stunt, so he agrees again.

Jim stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily,

he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty

much urinates all over the desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he

has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Jim's attorney moans and puts his

head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Jim told me he'd been summoned

for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here

and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."