I was a data entry operator from the ages of 17-34.  I made great money doing it until they discovered outsourcing.  Suddenly we were getting sent home early & called out of work.  I saw that the end was near, not just for my own personal job, but for the entire data entry field.  Sure enough, within a year, my entire shift was laid off & the price was cut in half for the remaining day shift.  There was nowhere to go where I could continue making the same kind of money I'd been making, because the entire field of data entry was now being outsourced.

I said I saw the end was near, and I was right.  But I didn't take it laying down.  I immediately went to my local Vo-Tech school & told them I needed a new career.  I took an aptitude test & scored high on a few things.  The one that stood out was nursing.  The money, in all honesty, was about the same as what I made in data entry...I was that damn good on a keyboard.  But the job security was what I was looking for so I wouldn't lose my career again, and besides, the other careers I scored high on didn't pay nearly as much.

So I went ahead & got my LPN license in just one year.  It was a struggle, I can't pretend it wasn't.  But I always liked helping people, and I was a bit of an egghead watching channels like TLC & Discovery-Health anyway, so I thought it was worth a shot.  I felt like I'd made it & I headed out into the field.

And I got fired twice within my first two years as a nurse.  I suspect it was roughly 50/50 as far as legitimate "reason to fire" me and just plain "politics."  But even if it was 100% "I'm a crappy nurse" or 100% "politics", I'm completely disenchanted with nursing.

My fellow classmates seem happy & as successful as can be.  That's good, people need competent nurses.  I'm happy for them.  But they don't pay my bills, I do.  And they don't have to live with how I feel about myself, I do.

I feel like a failure.  I feel like I chose the wrong career, regardless of how well I took the tests in school & the tests to pass boards.  I don't blame anyone for my downfall...not my teachers, not the state...maybe just a little towards my former employers, because I would've liked to have had more support from them so I could learn & grow as a nurse.  But ultimately, it all comes down to me.  If I were any kind of an asset to them, they wouldn't have fired me.

So what do I do now?  Maybe if I could get into a doctor's office I'd be happier & better off.  I spent time working in a nursing home & an assisted living, and having 25-100 patients/clients/whatever all in my care at once is more stress than I can handle, especially after being fired twice in my first two years as a nurse.  But the economy is in the toilet, and trying to find a doctor's office who is hiring is difficult...especially when you consider that I won't be the only nurse applying for the job when one does finally open up.  I could try private duty, but I don't have any faith in my skills at this point.

So here I am with my LPN license, too stricken with fear & anxiety & stress to even work.  This isn't what I wanted.  And of course, this is all only about my professional life...I've also got a family to support.

 I scored high on my aptitude test in administration, this was after I became a healthcare provider, I thought  I should of scored high in my nursing aptitude, but nursing was my seconded highest

I think Cuttie gave me some insight.  For most people, I think nursing is a calling.  I don't think it was ever my calling, though.

So there are jobs, careers, and callings...I never thought of it that way.  I don't think I really have a calling.  I can't think of a single thing that I'd enjoy doing 40 hours a week until I retire.  But there are jobs I think I'd enjoy, and maybe if I look into them, they could turn into careers.

Its just so hard to walk away from the kind of money I was used to making my whole life.  And its not out of personal selfishness, I really don't need much.  Its out of wanting to provide for my family.

Thank you both for your thoughts & well wishes.

JudoThumper says ...

     I understand your feeling, I am currently a CNA who always went above n beyond for my residents, my nurses, and my fellow Cna's( I worked in a nursing rehab center) I was fired due to politics,(I became a union rep, an HONEST union rep(my bad!) Politics in the worlplace is 90 percent of the problem as I see it, the other 10 percent is not the staff's fault, but the training that is given by these "conglomerate" companies.  They expect all who they hire to be "perfect" of which we, as human beings, are certainly not! I saw my nurses overwhelmed with  workloads that  no one nurse could ever possibly handle themselves, and the few that did complain, were promptly fired for  often times, trumped up violations. Many of them told me later they had the same feelings you have, they doubted themselves and their abilities, do NOT doubt yourself!  It may take some time to find your "niche"  but you wil find it!

     I am reentering school myself at age 40, for my LPN, am I nervous? like a cat on a hot tin roof!  Will I ever work in a nursing home setting again? NEVER!  reasons being: if you do not fit in  the "click",  administration will find a way of getting rid of you, the nurse/ resident, cna/ resident ratios are unrealistic, 1 LPN for 30 residents? with no RN supervising? 2 Cna's for 30 residents? IMPOSSIBLE! and yet these companies go thru help like water and wonder why, they burn people out, I was told at my last job, that I am just a warm body and easily replaced! I was discouraged for maybe a minute after being fired, after that I took a good long look at myself and I KNOW I am a caring, intelligent person, who enjoys caring for the sick and the elderly and I will not stop being who I am to please some bean counter who's only concern is his bottom line, I got into this field to care for people, not care about work politics.

     When I graduate, I am going into the private home  care sector, where I can do one on one for the people I care for, not an assembly line like most of these nursing homes are today.

     Have faith, believe in yourself and your abilities,God will provide!

 

This same politics is where I am today,  I hated  LTC, I resigned, because of the harrassment by a RN Supervisor. If I went straight to a hospital after  I completed my CNA program, I would of been a RN by now. God will provide us with strenght to endure!!!!

Don't give up/////I too,got fired from my ER job.  Just jealsous nurses.  Anyway, getting your RN would help.  They seem to repsect them more.  Also working in a doctors office would do wonders for your self confidence.  Hospitals are hard to work in, and there is a lot of red tape.  Hang in there, and don't give up just yet!

Here is some food for thought.  You obviously enjoy and feel competent at data entry.  You want to use your new knowledge, you worked hard for it.  There is a technology aspect to nursing. Depending were you are they (hospitals, agencies, etc) may already be well established in nursing informatics of just starting. It's the technology side of the house, and with new regulatory requirements and changes in all areas that affect the bottom dollar for the institution, they are always making modifications to there programs to meet the demands of the units, departments and or specialties.  I am not saying that you need to be an IT specialist, but they need someone with the nursing know how to explain and work with the IT specialist to make the changes happen.  Good luck and God Bless.

Hi Chauncey,

Well you've taken the first step in admitting this is not for you.  Now you need to take a deep breath and figure out what it is you want to do.  I'm 39 and in LVN school and I work in private home care.  The first 13 years of my career life i was in the cellular business, of those 13, I owned my own stores for 3.  The cellular biz was so saturated I sold the business and changed to real estate for 6 years.  ( back in my younger years, I had a calling for nursing, but didn't have the foundation for it, so I put it on the back burner until I was ready)  From about age 36-39 I constantly thought about going from the sales arena to nursing, it ate at me daily and finally I answered the calling, I'm going to school, and doing home care. It's one the best decisions I've ever made.  It took 39 years, but who cares! 

My point is, take the plung!  Go for what is your calling!(cause it's not nursing!)  What happened yesterday, last month, over the last 2 years does NOT define who you are!  When one door closes, a set of double doors open!  Think of this nursing adventure you had as part of the road that will lead you to where your calling is.  Nothing worth having is easy to get.

Don't let anything or anyone stop you!