About a little over 6 months ago, I found one of my residents not breathing with no pulse on the bathroom floor, she did not have DNR so we had to do CPR. Well, with this being my first time seeing and experiencing all this I freaked out and did nothing, I had no idea how long she had been that way and the thought of doing cpr for the first time on a dead person really scared me. I almost lost my job over it. I was tramatized. I learned a big lesson that day. I kept thing though that I hoped it would not happen again. But about a month ago it did. Only this time the resident was still alive when I found her, she had vomited a few hours before and I thought it was because of the virus that was going around. Well, about a few hours later when I had to do my round and check on the residents I found that she did not quite look right, she was sweating very bad and not responding to anything, her breathing was labored, so I got help and they checked her oxygen level and it was like 68. Her pulse was 86. So they immediately called for and ambulance and was trying to get some oxygen. During this process she turned blue and was rattling. By the time they could get the oxygen hooked up and looking in her chart for the DNR, she wa gone. Before I could even think about a DNR, I ran and got the face mask, I was going to be the one to do cpr if she was going, but before I could get the mask open, I thought does she have a DNR and sure enough she did. So we had to let her go. What gets me though is that everyone was running around like chickens with there heads cut off trying ot figure out how to save her and she had a DNR the whole time. I look back now and I think I should have seen the signs of death, but I didn't. Also, I remembered the first time I found a resident dead and like I said I freaked, but this time I jumped in with both feet and was going to try and save this residents life. I was upset that she died, but I was proud of how I handled myself in the situation. I did freak out a little when I had to do the postmortum care, I kept think of how she was not alive and I had to touch her, but I did it anyways. I did not like doing it, but I knew it had to be done and I did it. I remember telling you all about my first experience and I received lots of great and supportive feedback and I appreciated it so much, you all have helped me to become a better nurse in a way. I now got a feel for the drama a little and I look forward to getting into the nursing program at my local college and learning and experiencing new things.